I have no friends

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Last year, because of a stupid mistake i made, i had a huge falling out with some of my best friends and the rest of them had betrayed me. After apologizing sincerely numerous times, they all trash-talked about me over the internet, and even told their boyfriends, and their boyfriend’s friends to do so as well, people that i dont even know. Thus, i began to hang out with my boyfriend and his friends alot, but now they have all gone away to college and i am still stuck in highschool.

I thought i had found a new group of friends earlier in the year, but i realized that they are not really the type of people i want to hang out with, and they are beginning to ditch me as well. I cant help but feel like i am a horrible person to be around, that i am not fun, that i am not worth being friends with, or worth anything. I am very lonely and i dont know what to do, i dont know how to act towards people anymore. As nice as i try to be towards people, they always never seem to be interested in getting to know me.

I am tired of being so depressed and i am tired of depending on my boyfriend for friends. I dont want to blame other people for this problem but i really cant even think of something i can do differently to get people to like me or want to hang out with me. Everyone already has their own group of friends, and im still very lonely. I dont know what to do, please help

A: Here’s the good news: You’ll be out of high school in two months. You’ve been experiencing a form of bullying. In the age of texting, a mistake can get inflated bigtime and next thing you know, someone like yourself is on the outs with half the school. People are reluctant to side with you because they are afraid they’ll then be on the outs too. It’s not right. It’s not fair. But it happens. If it again escalates to more harassment by texting, you can go to the administration for help. That won’t win you friends but it should stop the bullying. Since the trash talk happened a year ago, though, there probably isn’t much you can do now. Hopefully, it won’t happen again. Hopefully, at least some of the people who picked on you will grow up in the next few years.

Meanwhile, you’re right. By senior year, everyone has their group and it’s very hard to get included. Fortunately, life isn’t like high school and high school doesn’t last forever. My best suggestion is that you just be pleasant to people and ride out the next 8 weeks. Meanwhile, start looking around for places where you can find new people who share your interests. Think about taking a class at a local community college this summer, finding a job that will help you find some direction for a career, or applying for a gap year program. I think you’ll find that new people will give you a new chance.

BTW: Very few people think of their high school years as the best years of their lives. For many, it’s the worst. Life starts for most people after high school graduation.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 2 Apr 2011

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2011). I have no friends. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 23, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/04/02/i-have-no-friends/