I am attracted to men, but when I have sex with a man it’s not pleasurable. I never reach orgasm and it doesn’t feel good in any way. I have dry humped and I can reach orgasm that way, but not from actual intercourse. I’m dating someone now who I feel a very strong connection to, stronger then anyone I’ve ever met, so I thought that maybe my problem was that I couldn’t have sex without love, but now that I have both I still don’t feel anything. Sex is not natural for me I have to think about every move I make and it’s just not enjoyable. I have made out with girls before but not because I was attracted to them or anything, it was just at parties or a dare or something dumb like that. My question is is my body telling me I’m gay, or is there something I should get checked out by a doctor?
A: No, I don’t think you are gay. I think you need to see a gynecologist. At only 17, you may not yet have established a relationship with a gyno but you really should. Now that you are with someone you really want to be close to physically, you are getting pretty clear information that the problem isn’t in your head. Find a gynecologist you feel comfortable enough with to talk to and be as specific as you can be about what you mean when you say sex isn’t enjoyable. There are a number of reasons why sex can be uncomfortable or unsatisfying for a woman. I’m glad you wrote instead of just giving in to the idea that you can’t have enjoyable sex. You have a long life ahead of you. You deserve to have the closeness that comes with sharing intimacy with the one you love.
I wish you well.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 23 Mar 2011
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2011). Am I Gay, Or is Something Medically Wrong with Me?. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 9, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/03/23/am-i-gay-or-is-something-medically-wrong-with-me/