My Boyfriend is a Compulsive Accuser

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years. He hasn’t trusted me for a long time and I’m not sure why. Ive never cheated. He is constantly accusing me everyday about what I’m doing.he doesn’t even trust me to go to my families house or to the store. He even calls me names like bitch,whore, and many other things. he has even put his hands on me before. every time we go somewhere together he thinks I’m looking at other men. I don’t think he is cheating but i have found numbers on different occasions.

We do have a 4 month old baby together and i have a 3 year old from a previous marriage. I want out but i just cant push myself to do it. I know i couldn’t leave with him at home because when he gets angry its like he is in a rage or something,throwing stuff and breaking stuff. I do love him and just wish he would change but it doesn’t seem possible. I’ve even suggested couples therapy but he thinks I’m crazy. I just really need some advice, I feel crazy telling this to anyone else.

A: I rarely tell people what they should do but I’m making an exception in this case. From what you are reporting, you are not safe. Your boyfriend is irrationally jealous and angry. He is isolating you and scaring you. He isn’t interested in taking responsibility for his behavior or for improving your relationship. I’m worried for you and for your children’s safety. If you can’t think of yourself, think of your kids. This is a terrible model for what a loving relationship between partners should be.

There is a woman’s shelter in your city. Office: (910) 323-4187 Hotline: (910) 323 4187. Call the hotline to get support and advice. Do not use your cell phone to make the call. Do not use your home computer to look up information. If your boyfriend is as dangerous as I think he is and he discovers that you are looking for help, he could put his hands on you again. Instead, take the kids to your local library and make your calls from there.

You made an important first step by writing to us here at PsychCentral. Now take the next step and get local support. You and your children deserve to have a safe and loving home.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 20 Mar 2011

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2011). My Boyfriend is a Compulsive Accuser. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 16, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/03/20/my-boyfriend-is-a-compulsive-accuser/