Depressed and I want to Move Back to Chicago

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

I want to move back to Chicago where i grew up. I’ve been unemployed since august working parttime at Macys (on call) I”ve lived in Houston for 16 years and am miserable. I hate it here. but i have two kids (6 and 9) and have been married 12 years. My marriage sucks. I can’t stand my husband. Everything he does agitates me. We fight all the time. We have no money and it seems to get worse everyday. I wouldn’t be surprised if i lost my house one day very soon.

I miss my family in chicago but I don’t know where to start. i’ve been looking for a jobs for over a year in the Chicago area so I won’t be soo dependant on my family but it’s hard to get a job when you’re long distance. i’ve been looking locally and don’t even know what to do anymore. I”ve been teaching since college but feel like a failure. any ideas where to start?

A: There’s an old saying: “Wherever you run, there you are.” I don’t know if there are more opportunities in Chicago than in Texas. I do suspect there is a wounded child inside of you who wants to go home for the comfort of having family nearby. Of course, once they give you a hug and s hot meal, you still won’t have a job. You’ll still be having conflicts with your husband. And your kids may well be angry with you for pulling them away from the only home they knew and their friends. A move might be wise but it shouldn’t be done just because you think there is a geographical cure for all that is wrong.

The job market for teachers is your area is reportedly very tight. I don’t blame you a bit if you are hurt and angry that your profession has been taken away from you for now. I know it’s hard to keep it in perspective, but budget cuts and layoffs are not your fault. Fortunately, as a teacher, you do have lots of skills that can be redirected to other jobs. I think you need a career counselor to help you explore alternatives beyond those you’ve already thought about. When I did a web search for career counselors in Houston, I came up with pages and pages of possibilities. Do take a look.

Meanwhile, don’t underestimate the stress that being short on cash and long on disappointment can have on a marriage. Perhaps you and your husband would be fighting anyway. But it’s possible that you two are taking your financial and job stress out on each other. If that’s the case, you need help to get back on the same team, working on the problems, instead of on different teams tearing each other down. A few sessions with a minister or a counselor might help you remember why you married each other and could help you find ways to be mutually supportive. You might even both decide that a move to where there is a family support system isn’t such a bad idea. I have no way of knowing if that’s true. But two intelligent adults should be able to figure it out if they can start addressing the problem head on instead of sitting in anger.

I think you made an important step in writing to us here at PsychCentral. Instead of just throwing in the towel, you reached out for a little help. Now consider whether there is enough good in your marriage to work on it. If so, call a truce and start working on concrete steps for managing your present and planning for your future.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 5 Mar 2011

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2011). Depressed and I want to Move Back to Chicago. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 19, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/03/05/depressed-and-i-want-to-move-back-to-chicago/