My fiancé tried to be intimate when my son was in the room

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Last night my fiancé and I went to bed, my 8 yr old was still up with his older brother, then he came in and wanted to sleep with us but I said no due to it being to crowded, he laid his mattress next to my side of the bed and went to bed, he was still awake and talking to me when my fiancé began pulling my pjs down and to penetrate me from behind.

I kept trying to stop him without being verbal as I was talking to my son. He kept at it, then tried to use foreplay to arouse me, I pushed him back several times and he finally stopped.

My son fell asleep and I left the room, my fiancé followed me out and I confronted him. Why did you do that when I was talking to my son, and he was wide-awake? He got defensive and asked me what was I digging for? I never got anything but an apology and he said he would never do it again. I am severely disturbed by this event. Is he a pedophile? He was molested as a 9 yr old and my son does not like him. Please help me. Why would he do that with my son lying awake on his mattress next to my side, in the same room!!!!!!!

A: Thank you for being so brave and asking this question. Of course I can’t make a comment on if your fiancé is a pedophile. But what seems clear is that a boundary was breached and the inappropriate nature of it must be addressed. It is hard to know what is happening for your fiancé, but you need to let him know how uncomfortable and inappropriate this was. I would highly recommend couples counseling. The find help tab at the top of the page will let you find qualified people in your area.

The fact that your fiancé has the background he has, and that he attempted to force himself on you sexually in this way is important to bring to a counselor before you marry. Do not assume the issue has been adequately dealt with. Your instinct that something isn’t right must be honored.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Photo

 

 

Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 28 Feb 2011

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2011). My fiancé tried to be intimate when my son was in the room. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 23, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/02/28/my-fiance-tried-to-be-intimate-when-my-son-was-in-the-room/