Depression, Trust Issues with Friends

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Ive been depressed for 4 years now and Ive noticed that I have changed dramatically as a person. Right now though, the thing that bothers me the most is that I seem to find it hard to maintain a friendships. And Ive been told its because I don’t trust. Before I was depressed, I never had issues. I never doubted my friends. I took their yes as a yes. Now my mind analyses everything to an extent where I get terribly drained and tired from all the thinking. I was such a simple person before depression. And I dont like being like this because Im making things hard for my friends..because Im always doubting them OR guessing things that I think they might be thinking..which 99% of the times are wrong. Why do I have doubts? If I love my friends like I know I do, why do I analyse everything, and say “if this, if that” etc. I was never an insecure person…does this mean I am now? I want things to be simple..but depression makes it so hard. I feel like I should isolate myself from others..because I cant be a true friend if I cant truly trust them. I make life hard for them. And I dont want too. Maybe Im too over protective.Maybe Im too attached to the extent where I go over board. I dont know. Im sure its all depression related..but how can I trust my friends more.. or at least..not show them my doubts. Please help..
thank you for reading..

A. Of course. I’m glad to read this and offer what I can. I think what you are referring to is something called “rumination.” Rumination is when a person goes over and over and over negative perceptions. It is one of the symptoms of depression. Often the person doing it thinks it will make things better to try to think them through. But since ruminators keep finding the darker side of issues, it in fact feeds the depression and makes it worse. Since ruminating tends to be negative, friends often get frustrated and start to pull away — which only makes the depressed person feel like a failure as a friend as well.

You didn’t mention if you are getting any treatment for your depression. I do hope that you are seeing a psychiatrist for appropriate medication and seeing a therapist to help you manage your thoughts. The combination of medication and talk therapy is thought to be the best way to overcome depression. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) has been found to be the most effective for your symptoms.

I don’t have any contacts in Greece to direct you to. But your doctor can probably help you find a therapist. I hope you follow through and get the help you need. You deserve to reclaim the ease in your life and your friendships you once had.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 18 Feb 2011

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2011). Depression, Trust Issues with Friends. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 26, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/02/18/depression-trust-issues-with-friends/