This issue has been going on since I began dating in late high school. I have a very difficult time staying attracted to women I date. Most all of them would be considered attractive. I don’t want to come off as shallow because I definitely am not. I would enjoy a long relationship however the problem is that around 4-8 weeks of dating I completely loose interest in the girl, even if there are no major issues with her.
This week I’ve lost all connection, or chemistry, with a girl I’ve been dating for about 1 month. We’ve had sex a handful of times, and it seemed awesome. Now all of the sudden It just doesn’t interest me. She is most of what I could picture in a long term relationship and has only minor flaws. She tested me (hard to get) with being unavailable a few choice nights and I played ‘hard to get’ right back and she came running. Now I’ve started classes and there are a couple girls I am interested in.
Am I just 21 and in it for the chase? I really am worried because I’m turning away nice/cool girls and I feel bad. I’m not trying to be mean its just that the feeling flies away shortly after we start having sexual relations and then keeping them around feels very numb. I don’t want to continue this, because I do hope to get married someday. Does anyone have advice for how I can not keep this trend up?
A: Sure. Your system is telling you to slow down. You are barely getting to know women before you are getting them into bed. I suspect that you’ve either been raised with or have developed values of your own that tell you that once you get sexual with someone, there is more expectation of commitment in the relationship. If that’s the case, you end the relationship either because you know in your gut that this is not the woman for you or because you are violating your own principles.
Take the time to really become friends with a number of women and then make a more thoughtful choice about who you want to be with. Let sex evolve naturally out of caring and intimacy and I suspect that you will stay interested.
I wish you well.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 15 Feb 2011
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2011). I Can’t Stay Attached to Women. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 10, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/02/15/i-cant-stay-attached-to-women/