Everything just seems to be slipping out of my grasp lately. I love my girlfriend with all of my heart and our relationship’s on the rocks. It’s all my fault most likely all i do is constantly worry about everything. She gets mad when i cant trust her yet shes always lieing to me about things. I don’t like it when she drinks, not only is she underage but something always bad happens when she does, and she lies about drinking.
I feel like all i do is annoy her because all i want to do is see her because it’s the only thing that makes me happy, makes my life worth living. She doesn’t care, she just cares about her bestfriends always leaving me behind, hurting. She doesn’t care anymore it seems about us, it’s leaving me so depressed, i have no one to talk to. I need to talk to you and i need advice, please….
A: I can understand why you feel like nothing is going right. You seem to be a very loyal person who has invested his heart in someone who can’t return that loyalty and love. There must be something very sweet about her at times for you to continue to pursue her. But I don’t see much hope for a future for the two of you. You are looking for stability. She seems to mainly want to party. The result is that you feel constantly let down and lonely.
I think you would feel better if you took more charge of your life. You are in a college where there are lots of opportunities. Join something. That’s right. Join something where there are people who share some of your interests. Shared interests are the basis of good friendships. You’re not going to find people to talk to by sitting in your dorm room nursing a depression. You will find them out on campus doing interesting things. Tell your girlfriend that you want to start seeing other people and get up the courage to do it. You don’t have to settle for a bad relationship. There are lots of women out there looking for a guy who is loyal and who wants to talk about things. Give yourself the time to find a woman who is as into you as you are into her. Chances are you’ll find her in one of those organizations I’m talking about.
You made an important first step in taking charge of things by writing to us. Now take the next step. Check out the directory of organizations and clubs at your school and promise yourself that you will check out at least 4 of them. Give it an honest try. Show up at meetings. Participate. Ask questions. Get involved. Then make some choices about where to spend your time. Meanwhile, get engaged with your classes! Do the reading. Ask interesting questions. Some of the best friendships (and relationships) develop in college when people in a class start really getting involved with the material and with each other. That experience is, after all, what you and your parents are spending big bucks for you to have.
Depression feeds on itself. As long as you do nothing, you are only going to get more depressed. Gather up whatever energy you have and start to make these positive changes.
I wish you well.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 13 Feb 2011
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2011). Feel Like My Life is Slipping Away. Psych Central. Retrieved on April 23, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/02/13/feel-like-my-life-is-slipping-away/