Does my Boyfriend Have a Personality Disorder?

By Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I have been dating my boyfriend for 7 months now and everything started out fine but these last few months I have started noticing a pattern. He has told me absolutely CRAZY stories about himself, for example he is in the mafia, he is really sick with internal bleeding, he has broken ribs because he went to Russia to deal with the mafia, when he was in Russia fighting in a boxing tournament the mafia captured him and turned him into a soldier where he is basically indestructible now, that he had surgery for the internal bleeding, and random people I have never heard of are texting me from his phone (when I really just think its him)but he always seems to remind me to not tell anyone anything! And he told me that he is training with this guy named Ray Trakay and sent me a picture of him and I found the picture of the guy on the internet and it was Ray Lewis (which he happened to have a Ray Lewis app on his Iphone).

So what I’m getting at is that I have been looking up personality disorders and I know I cannot diagnose him but it seems that he has the characteristics of a histrionic personality disorder. And he’s always bragging to me about how girls love him and how he “played” all these girls in high school. And when these girls text him he starts to cry because they wont leave him alone but recently he has acquired the phone number of a girl that was given to her by “Ray Trakay” and he talks to her a lot and apparently shes had such a terrible life ( I’m perfectly fine with him talking to girls…but this one is different) and he tells me how much she reminds him of me.

Then this weekend I found her under his favorites in his phone ( by the way he deletes everything in his phone history, calls, texts, etc.) and I asked him why was this so? And I asked him if he was cheating on me and he totally flipped ( he also has anger problems, BAD) and started screaming and punching things in his truck and was driving like a maniac. We finally pulled over into a parking lot that had semi trailers in it and he began hitting them and threatening to kill anyone that came near him (but me) and then he got his gun out (he has a hand gun that he keeps in his truck) and threatened to kill himself until I finally convinced him that I believed he wasn’t cheating on me. (I’m still not convinced) And he also has a tendency to talk like a baby and tell me “He’s just a baby” I think that is pretty much it though. So any advice you can give me would be great..I’m really worried for his sake and mine. Oh and he’s also been to a psychologist to help with his anger and is taking medicine for it and for anxiety/depression as well. Oh yes I remembered a few more things….he also tells me all the time how he and “everyone else” thinks hes possessed by Satan. And he always pressures me to have sex with him and tries to make me feel guilty when I won’t. I really hope you can answer my question I’m not looking for a diagnosis I’m just looking for some guidance.

A. It is often the case that individuals have life problems but do not necessarily meet the criteria for any specific mental health disorder. I think this may be the case with your boyfriend. A diagnosis is difficult to pinpoint.

You did not ask a specific question so I will give you my overall impression of the situation. Your concerns, I believe, are correct. There are many aspects of his behavior that are troublesome. He has the propensity to be a danger to himself and or others. Below is a list of major “red flags” that should concern you:

  • his behavior is unpredictable;
  • he becomes uncontrollably angry;
  • he carries a weapon;
  • he has threatened to kill others;
  • he has threatened to kill himself;
  • he is emotionally and psychologically unstable;
  • he believes he is possessed by Satan which is indicative of a possible break with reality; and
  • he is not truthful. He may be either knowingly concocting falsified stories or he believes them to be true. The latter would suggest that he is delusional. He also seems to be paranoid. Delusions and paranoia are signs of psychosis.

You seem to be concerned about your safety. It is good that you are not ignoring the safety risk but you may be minimizing the potential danger of the situation. This is a relationship that you should consider terminating immediately. Do not hesitate to call the police if you believe that he may harm you, himself or others. Report any threats that he makes against you to the authorities immediately. I would also recommend becoming knowledgeable about the local domestic violence shelters or respite facilities and the procedures for a protection of abuse order (often referred to as “PFA”). You should be prepared if you need to utilize these services.

Encourage him to continue his psychological treatment and medications. You should also consider reporting his behavior to his psychiatric treatment team. Due to privacy laws, they may be unable to discuss the details of this case with you but there is no law against reporting his behavior to them. That information is important and it can help the treatment team to better understand his case.

As I described above, there are many aspects of his behavior that are worrisome and place you in potential danger. If you have a specific question, please do not hesitate to write again. Please be safe and take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 10 Feb 2011

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2011). Does my Boyfriend Have a Personality Disorder?. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 28, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/02/10/does-my-boyfriend-have-a-personality-disorder/