Psych Central


A little history lesson… I was 14 years old when I moved out of my mothers house and was told not to come back, my father left us when we were very young. when I was 16 my father was shot in the head by a random person, he later died. My mother and I have never had a relationship, it has always been short and sweet with her. My sisters and brothers have been so close always but since my little brother was killed in a car accident about 2 months ago it seems as if everything has gone down the drain.

I can’t take any more of this, I am engaged to be married to a man who has been there through all of this, we are going through some rough times as well but I am sure we will make it. I feel like giving up, now all of the sudden I hate my job, I hate everything that is happening in my life. My sister who took my little brothers dog after his death decided that she no longer wanted him, dropped him off at the kill shelter one day, I found out and went to pick him up, paid big money to get him back but have no where for him to live, my condo’s do not allow dogs so we have to keep him at my fiance’s mothers place, its just so stressful,my whole family has turned their back on me and I just can’t do it any more. I need someone to help me, where do I go from here because I feel I am at a dead end.

A: I’m so very sorry for your loss of your brother. And I’m very, very sorry that your family is falling apart in the wake of his death. It sounds like the whole family is having tremendous difficulty coping. You are grieving. Members of your family are grieving. Your brother’s death may have brought back unresolved feelings about your father’s abandonment and death and your mother’s rejection as well. No wonder you are feeling overwhelmed.

People grieve differently. Some become sad. Some are mostly angry. Some shut down. Some push it all away by being hyper-functional. Some do a little of everything. I imagine you are seeing different reactions in different members of the family. In you, grief is pulling everything that makes you unhappy to the top. It’s normal but I know it’s very uncomfortable to feel so not like yourself.

Fortunately, you live in an area that has a mental health center that has a sliding fee scale. Check this website for information http://www.healthehurt.com/programsbydirections.html

I think you need to talk with a professional to help you sort things out and set some reasonable priorities for yourself. If you go and have a positive result, it wouldn’t surprise me if other people in the family eventually also seek out some help. As hard as it all is, it may also open an opportunity for some healing.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 2 Feb 2011

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2011). Everything Feels Like It’s Going Down the Drain. Psych Central. Retrieved on April 18, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/02/02/everything-feels-like-its-going-down-the-drain/