My wife is extremely suspicious

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

I am located in India. I am seeking advise to solve problem between me and wife. My relationship has always been in trouble because of my wife’s suspicious nature. She never trusts me on any thing and The problem is of so high magnitude that I am suffocated and very much frustrated all the time. In spite of all this I love my wife very much and would never exit this relation. But I have to solve this problem to lead a happy life.

Please let me know if you can help me to solve this problem? I will send you in detail my problem and the behaviour of my wife if you want.

A: What a shame that an otherwise happy marriage is marred by distrust. Often a person with this level of suspicion has been terribly betrayed or abandoned at some point in her (or his – men can fear abandonment too) life. They never, ever want to feel that way again so go to extreme measures to prevent it. The irony is that the strategy often causes the very thing they fear. Many partners can’t tolerate the level of distrust and suspicion and eventually leave, which only confirms the person’s worst fears. Another explanation is this: Sometimes highly sensitive people are born into families that are especially critical. A person with this kind of temperament feels constantly judged and unloved. When they grow up and find someone who does love them, they don’t quite believe it and keep testing the relationship. The result is the same as in the first example. The person unintentionally creates the situation she fears. There may, of course, be another reason for your wife’s behavior. These are only a couple of common reasons for undeserved distrust.

Whatever the case, it’s important for you to know that beneath your wife’s suspicion is fear. She needs compassion and understanding. It may be possible for you to explain to her that you know she is afraid and to reassure her that you don’t intend to leave her. Some counseling, if it is available, might help her learn to manage her fears so both of you can have a happier life. As hard as it is for you to live with her suspicion, it is just as hard for her to live with the anxiety.
I wish you well.

Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 26 Jan 2011

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2011). My wife is extremely suspicious. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 2, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/01/26/my-wife-is-extremely-suspicious/