I can’t concentrate at school since I have a boyfriend

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP


I am a PhD student where I need to study for 15 hours a day. I got into a relationship 7 months back and since then I am not able to concentrate on my studies. I tend to spend time with him all the time. I tend to call his friends for dinner, watch movies etc. just to be with him. I work for sometime when it is really urgent. I even got lower grades due to this. He is a new student in my university so he does not have a job yet and hence he is free too to spend time with me.

What should I be doing to get back my concentration and motivation to work? How much time I should be spending with him? Do you know a way where I can be with him and also be able to study? Thank you so much.

A: “Love and work… work and love, that’s all there is.”
Sigmund Freud

Thanks for writing us here at Psychcentral and asking about balance in your life. Part of managing yourself in an intimate relationship is to be able to set limits. An all-or-nothing relationship typically doesn’t last long. There needs to be a “you” so there can be an “us.”

Get your work done. Part of graduate school is learning how to handle much higher levels of responsibility in the world and in your life. Prioritize your to-do list and don’t make it all work or all relationship. The truth is you will need to do this after you get your degree as well. Now is the time to start managing your love and work life.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 14 Jan 2011

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2011). I can’t concentrate at school since I have a boyfriend. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 31, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/01/14/i-cant-concentrate-at-school-since-i-have-a-boyfriend/