I’m Very Jealous

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

I have been with my girlfriend for almost 2 years now and I can never get over my jealousy. I’ve searched the Internet for answers to my question although I’ve seen similar questions and answers I wanted a more personal response. I’ve talked to my girlfriend about my jealousy problem and she always says in her own way not to worry about it. I’ve had past relationship problems stemming from my jealousy and attempt to take control of the other person’s life. I’m scared because I trust my girlfriend more then anyone she’s kind of my only true friend. What bothers me also is that when girls hit on me, which happens every once a while, she acts as though it doesn’t bother her. She’s always been that way she hasn’t changed much but my fear has grown in the last couple of months and I’m over looking many different things and reading way to much into things. I would really like to hear from a professional how to slowly but surly get rid of or even lessen my jealousy to a healthy amount. I would really like to fix this problem to save my relationship. Thank you for reading.

A: I think it is a brave thing for you to confront this jealousy. Thanks for writing us. The fact that you have had the problem before means the issue is likely to be within you, not one coming from the dynamics of the relationship. You girlfriend activates the jealous response—which you are prone to.

The insecurity underneath this reaction is where the work is. Typically this type of jealousy has its roots in issues of self-esteem.

As you are still in high school I would strongly encourage you to talk to your guidance counselor. If the counselor isn’t able to work with you directly have him or her help you find an individual counselor in the community who can help. Someone who specializes in working with young adults would be the way to go.

Therapy is important for treating this type of jealousy. Feeling the discomfort and then asking for help is a sign that you are ready to work on this. The sooner you can start, the better.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 5 Jan 2011

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2010). I’m Very Jealous. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 22, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/01/05/im-very-jealous/