Husband wants to leave

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

my husband wants to leave me after a year he wont talk to me he is just packing moving things out. we have been married for 7 months but together for 4 years, out of nowhere he just filed, and he’s sleeping in the other room. we usually fight about once a month for a week. i tried to talk to him but he just packing and saying its too late please i need help i dont want to lose him

A: This is so so sad and so unnecessary. Instead of going for help, your husband has gone to a lawyer. People who loved each other enough to marry can usually learn new ways to stop fighting and to solve problems if they get some coaching from a couples therapist before things get so awful.

Fighting once a month for a week means that you fight 25 percent of the time – and apparently without resolving anything since you’re at it again the next month. That must be exhausting for both of you! Your husband is right that the fighting has to stop but he may not understand that there are other ways to fix the situation besides leaving.

If you want to have any chance at saving your marriage, you’ll have to do something different. Fighting with him obviously doesn’t work. I suggest you contact a marriage counselor and make an appointment. Invite your husband to come along. If he won’t go, go yourself so that you can learn some new ways to talk with him about things that trouble you. It may be that if you show him that you are willing to make some changes, he’ll try again. If he doesn’t, at least you’ll learn hew ways to deal with conflict so you don’t make the same mistakes in a new relationship some day.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 7 Nov 2010

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2010). Husband wants to leave. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 24, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2010/11/07/husband-wants-to-leave/