Trust issues with boyfriend

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

I have been dating my boyfriend on and off for about 3 years. We have broken up twice; both times he was the one who initiated the break up. Everything he always came back to me the two weeks after and asked to be back with me. The second time it happened I didn’t want to get back together, said no, and was single for about a year. I dated one guy during that period. I eventually decided to give my boyfriend another try. We have been together for about 10 months since then. Everything has been really good except for a few problems. My biggest problem trusts him. He has tried to tell me over and over again that he wouldn’t break up with me again like that and he truly does want to be with me. It is just so hard for me to believe that he won’t leave me again. Also, I am so paranoid about him and other girls. I know he loves me but I am convinced that he will find someone better than me and leave me. I truly do want to be happy with him, is there a way for me to do this? What can I do to trust my boyfriend?

A: “I would rather trust a woman’s instinct than a man’s reason.” –Stanley Baldwin

Thank you for putting this out to us. Trust must evolve mutually between a couple over time and with an enormous amount of care. I certainly hope that happens for you. But what I have read about you in this relationship tells me a lot about you that is VERY trustworthy and wise when it comes to self-care.

The only person you need to trust is yourself. You have already demonstrated that your boyfriend simply wanting to get back with you wasn’t enough to sway you. You made a choice to be with someone else for a year, and are now making a choice to be with your boyfriend.

Keep trusting yourself and your instinct. If you feel things are not going well talk about it, deal with it, change it. Savor the times when it does feel wonderful. If you trust that you will deal with whatever comes from the relationship, which you seem to have done so well with already, you will be in the relationship completely. Your boyfriend will have to bring himself in fully for it to work. Trust yourself to know when this is happening and when it isn’t.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 31 Oct 2010

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2010). Trust issues with boyfriend. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 31, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2010/10/31/trust-issues-with-boyfriend/

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