51 years of age, male, totaled my car in 2009 in car accident.Mother died 5 years ago, she was my good friend as well as she always pushed me to do things, and give me pep talks and now she’s not here. My father died in 1994, he had schizophrenia and I had problems with him for most of my life. I was bullied in school to make me terrified of my sexuality, I couldn’t understand the feelings at first. They called me faggot and would talk negatively about gays so I was scared and always lied to cover up because I couldn’t stand the fact that I felt that way. So I hide and hope my guy friends or people I meet don’t think I am gay. My father got sick when I was 4 and my sister got ran over by a truck that year. So my father was unemployed from there on in. He stayed at home, while my mother worked.So she kind of raised us without a father. I constantly had fights with him, because I tended to stay in the house all the time.My sister also got sick with schizophrenia as well, so my mother really couldn’t deal with my problems. I have been going through life with no purpose, I lived on, because I didn’t want to hurt my mother. I have tried in the past, but it is not easy to kill yourself and I don’t want to go through that pain, or else I would do it. I am out work, helpless, stranded and very unhappy. I blame this government for this, because of their conservative politics I look like the kind of person they hate.They do not do enough for us and now they want to cut even more.I hate this government and i hate this way of thinking.
A: “You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of.”
~ Jim Rohn
You have had more than your share of troubles, trauma, and disappointment. Life certainly seems to be very hard for you, and yet, you have reached out here, so there is a part of you that has hope and has the resilience to persevere. It is that part of you I wish to address.
Just like you found us on the Internet there are other resources that may be of help to you. First things first. If you feel as though you want to hurt yourself here is the national suicide prevention hotline. Their service is free and they are always available.
Here is some information on social security disability that you may find helpful.
I would also encourage you to seek therapy. Most major hospitals have clinics that have therapy available on a sliding scale, and can evaluate your need for medicine. There is also the National Association on Mental Illness that sponsors support groups. They may have one near you. They also have online support groups.
PsychCentral does too. We have over 160 online support groups. Perhaps one of them will be helpful.
Wishing you patience and peace,
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 29 Sep 2010
Tomasulo, D. (2010). I blame the government. Psych Central. Retrieved on April 16, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2010/09/29/i-blame-the-government/