Trouble with Friends

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

I used to be a very happy and content with my life and friends. This was in freshman year when I had a very exclusive group of friends and we’d do everything together, I was the only girl. My family life was okay, but even when it wasn’t, my friends weren’t necessarily helpful since I kept them in the dark about that stuff, but I was kept happy by just hanging out with them. This summer I haven’t seen them too often, first because it was hard to contact them, then because I realized that they were not very good friends and I just wasn’t happy with them. We all used to have so much fun smoking weed and doing things such as laser tagging. Now, I only try to hang out with two of them, but rarely. I also became best friends with one of my friends whom I hadn’t hung out with often before. Then I introduced her to the idea that I disliked most of our friends and I was unhappy with them. A week later, she acted as if it was her own idea and isolated herself from us. She tends to do this often, but I feel as though it’s my fault she’s now morbid and cynical. I try to go out and hang out more, but I just don’t have as much fun anymore. I need help reconnecting to them, or finding new friends it is time to move on to those better suited to me, but I don’t know where to start.

A:“My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me.”
- Henry Ford

I admire you for realizing the need to do something different. Your instinct is right. It is time to get some new friends that bring out the best in you. It is time to move on. Give yourself the next couple of months to find some new people in your life.

Stay true to yourself in the process. While you want new relationships, you don’t want to become someone else just to make a friend. There are many ways to meet new people. Here are a few suggestions.

Spend more time around new people by joining groups and clubs and classes that interest you. Nothing sparks a friendship easier than a common interest.

You may also want to join a sports team or volunteer for an organization. If you want something different to happen in your life, you have to do something different.

Make it a point to talk to new people, at least one new person every day. This means start a conversation, make eye contact, and smile.

Finally, allow yourself to initiate a get-together, but don’t push it. You want a friend that is mutually willing. If they don’t want to or can’t, that’s okay. There are others.

Finally, once you have found new friends, be a good friend by being reliable and trustworthy. Be there for your new friends, and they will be there for you.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan

Photo

 

 

Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 7 Sep 2010

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2010). Trouble with Friends. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 26, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2010/09/07/trouble-with-friends/