Male Orgasm Issues

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

My girlfriend is my best friend. The love of my life, for sure. We’ve been together for about 2 years. We began having sex a couple of months ago. There’s just one problem – I have yet to have an orgasm. It’s become something of an issue… I was okay with it at first, you know, for the first couple of times, because she had one, which made it almost worth it anyway for me. But I’m getting more and more annoyed by the fact that I just can’t seem to get there.

I masturbate, usually (and almost never more than) once daily. Here’s my concern… Have I gotten so used to reaching orgasm through masturbation that other methods (i.e. intercourse) no longer work? Will cutting down on the stroking for a while help me? If not, what should I do? I want a normal sex life; I want to be able to enjoy intimate time with my best friend. Do you have any tips or suggestions on what I/we can do to correct this problem and start having a lot of fun together?

Thanks so much for this service, it’s a great resource. :)

A: This must be a frustrating experience for you, but you seem to have answered your own question. Daily (or more on occasion) masturbation may be depleting your testosterone and sex drive to the point where it may certainly be interfering with achieving orgasm with your girlfriend. I would consider “cutting down on the stroking” for at least two days before you know you are going to be with her. This seems like a reasonable experiment that you could continue. The next step would be to refrain in between your intimate times. See what it might be like to long for her, and if the anticipation helps with achieving orgasm.

If this doesn’t produce results within a reasonable period of time I would consult a therapist at your college and make a appointment with your physician just to be on the safe side.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 20 Jul 2010

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2010). Male Orgasm Issues. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 24, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2010/07/20/male-orgasm-issues/