The Right Choice?

By Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

This nine year old half black kid I know, has a very sexual nature. I wanted to know why. He not only wanted to have sex with every girl he knew, he also wanted it with me, it would not of bothered me as much if I was not seventeen at the time.

I asked him why he wanted to have sex, at such an early age, he said that it felt really good and that he has already had sex with many girls and guys. I was shocked that he has already had sex. I did some research, and found out that if a young child is showing sexual behavior, at an early age, something may have happen. While I looked it to it and found out that his father had sex with his minor step-daughter, and had a child. this child was him. His father did not stop with having sex with underage children. I learned that his father has had sex with, every day since he was six. He also told me that he would ropes, to tie him down, if he would not do what he said. He also beat him, I know that he did, because I have seen the scars and bruises, on his little body. I am not going into anymore detail, for it is far to gruesome.

After he told me he told me how much he wanted to have sex with me, and it was a lot. I told him he was too young, and I was too old for that. He got sad and asked why can his father have sex with him, and he is thirty. I told him that he cannot, it is against the law, that is why he tells to keep quiet, so he will not go to jail.

After that it seemed that he stopped wanting to have sex with me, I was wrong. One day I was watching him while his parents were out. We were watching TV, and he slide right next to me, which did not bother me, but what did bother me, was that he placed his hand on my penis and started rubbing. I told him to stop, and he did, for a while. When he started to do it again, he jumped it to my lap and begun kissing me, I pushed him off and told no and that he was too young. He stopped, but looked very sad, luckily his parents came home then, and I could leave.

Then one day he came over to my house, and I was sleeping. He see that I was and came downstairs. He woke me up to see if i could play. I told him I had a headache, and asked him to get me something for it. When he came back, I took it and fell asleep. I was out. I am not sure what all happened, but when I awoke he was on me, sleeping, and we were both naked. I gently woke him and asked what had happened. He told me that he had finally got he wanted, sex with me. I do remember him telling me something his father did when he did not want to have sex with him, his father gave him a pill. This pill had put him to sleep. When he woke up, his butt hurt, and he was all sticky.

I did not know what to say, or do. So, I told him to get dressed, and I got dressed, too. I allowed him to stay for a while, acting like nothing happened. When he went home, I sat down and wrote a letter to his parents, I do not know what I wrote, but it some how made is mother very uncomfortable and that was the end of the whole mess. Or, so I thought, I am now in therapy, because they think I was sexual attracted to him. But I am not, the very thought makes me sick.
I am not sure I handled it correctly, but I handled it the best I could and now I do not know what to do. I it bothering me very much that his father still has sex with him every day and I do not know what to do about it.

A. This is a very serious issue. It appears as though the boy you have written about is being severely physically and sexually abused by his father. His father is not only abusing him but other children in the home as well. When a child has been sexually abused, it is not unusual for them to act out sexually.

It is very good that you are in therapy. If you have not already, I would encourage you to be honest with your therapist about all that has happened. He or she needs to know all the details of this particular situation.

If a therapist becomes aware of an abusive situation involving a child, he or she is legally obligated to report it to child protective services. This is a situation that needs to be reported immediately.

I’m not certain if writing a letter to the child’s mother was the most appropriate way to handle this situation. I apologize for not being able to answer this specific part of your question. Without more facts, it is difficult to give you an answer to such a complicated case. The best solution may have been to alert the authorities.

The mother may be accusing you of being attracted to the child because she is in denial about the reality of what is going on in her home. It may be easier to blame you than to face the fact that her husband is molesting the children. Unfortunately, there are occasions when the mother is aware of the abuse that is occurring at home and does nothing about it. The opposite may also be true which is that she has no knowledge of the abuse. With limited details, it is difficult for me to know exactly what has happened in this case.

As mentioned above, child protective services need to be informed about the abuse. This can be done anonymously. Anyone can call child protective services and report suspicion of abuse. Child protective services will investigate the case. That is their job.

I’m sorry you are dealing with a very difficult situation. Entering therapy was a wise choice. You can use the support now more than ever. Thank you for your question.

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 25 May 2010

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2010). The Right Choice?. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 23, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2010/05/25/the-right-choice/

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