My Sister Makes Me So Angry

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

For years i hated my sister so much. there are things she does that i really hate. my family is divorce. My sister and i are with my mother. She had surgery years ago due to stress. I listen to everything my mother says, i fix the house when it comes to plumbing, computers, TV, networking, bathroom tiles, ceilings, etc. i work every hard and i really dont ask for anything and i respect others. My mother tells me not to yell at her or tell her what to do and my mother can not discipline her because she is worried she will have surgery again. I cant do anything because i dont want to stress my mother as well. therefore my sister can do what ever she wants.

One example was my sister wanted a desk and we got it for her. The least she can do is help my mother build the desk, but she does not. Instead i came to help. another event is these expensive calculators. I had mine for much longer then hers but her calculator breaks and does not work well. sher says she done nothing but there are punture marks all over it. as i dont use my calculator much i have to lend my own calculator to her otherwise we have to waste another 120$ for it. lastly another example is her laptop. every 2-5 months she always breaks it when it comes to spills or she drops it and we always have to get it repaired otherwise she goes crazy. She has no respect and these events just continues. everything she breaks she gets a new one everything with no consequence. Not to mention when we visit our fathers family she gets them to spend money on the things she wants. even on her birthday she had a high class japanese buffet. my birthday party was shared with my father and grand father and to respect my grand father we went to a place he wanted to go. i told her she should be lucky she gets to pick and she tells me it i didnt go where i wanted to because i didnt say anything. somethings i think im going crazy. I dont know what to do because almost everyday i hear yelling between and my mother and my sister.

i hate this so much sometimes every other night i would wake up stressed out in the middle of the night. i cant do anything and i dont know what to do. i do all the rights things and i do very well in school. i dont ask for much, however my sister is always wasting money and ruining the house. this is happening for years and now my stress is increasing my blood pressue as my doctor says.

A: I’m so sorry you are under so much stress. Somehow you’ve been made into the man of the house when you’re only 18. Your sister is only part of your problem. She couldn’t get away with any of this if the adults in your life didn’t let her. The only comfort I can offer you is that you are learning how to be a responsible adult with many skills and your sister is learning how to be a spoiled brat. I don’t know if everyone expects you to take care of things because you are the oldest, the boy, or both. But, whew! This is really too much to ask of a young guy.

Don’t waste your time trying to change your sister. From her point of view she has no reason to change. Her relationship with your mother is their relationship, not yours. Bow out of any attempts to discipline her. It’s not your job. It is only stressing you. And it isn’t doing any good.

Instead, focus on your own relationship with your mom and the other relatives in the family. Since you shoulder so much, they probably have no idea that you are stressed out. Be your most mature self and ask for some help. Encourage your mom to get some counseling so that she isn’t stressed by sis and so she can learn new ways to handle her. See if your dad is willing to take on some of the repairs. He may be divorced from your mom but he’s still your dad and it’s reasonable to ask him to help you.

Then start to figure out what you want to do with your life and take some steps to get there. You’re in your senior year. I hope you are letting yourself enjoy this last year of high school at least some of the time. It’s also your time to think about what you want for your life after graduation. Sit down with your guidance counselor and take a look at your options. Not interested or ready for college? There are many options that could take you away from home for awhile so that you have the chance to grow. You might find it helpful to take a look at my article “Are You Ready for College? Alternatives for the Unsure” that is in our library.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 23 Apr 2010

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2010). My Sister Makes Me So Angry. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 19, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2010/04/23/my-sister-makes-me-so-angry/