I Hate My Husband

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

My husband and I have been together for 3 years and married for 1. I think I hate my husband. I’m pretty much been alone the whole time since he is always going on deployment. It is to the point where he and I both are so unhappy that the only time we speak is when we’re arguing. I don’t know what to do. He said it’s my fault our marriage is failing because he tries to make sure I’m happy by paying the bills. I’m loosing control and I don’t know what to do –If it’s worth saving. We don’t have sex and I’ve even gotten so bad that I’m now on antidepressants. I’m loosing my mind here. I moved across the country for him. I believe he’s cheating and….. I just need help. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m loosing it

A: Marriages are said to be made in Heaven, which may be why they don’t work here on Earth. –Thomas Szasz

This quote by the famous Hungarian-born psychiatrist sets the tone for how some people feel about their marriage. Hate is a strong word, and if you are at that point I would recommend an appointment with a couples counselor ASAP. If the relationship has any potential for survival then you want a professional to guide you. (You may select one from your area off this list.) If it is clear that the marriage is over then finding ways to separate that do not tear each of you down further would be important. Maybe your marriage wasn’t decent, but the divorce can be.

Being in the military brings a unique set of circumstances, and with the country at war the stress on military families is considerable. You may want to check with resources on your base for couples counseling.

If it appears that you are going to part you may want to consider using divorce mediation. This professional is neither a lawyer nor therapist, per se, but may have originally been trained as such. They help work out an agreement that you then each bring to your own lawyers for approval. It was designed to save time and money. In most cases it does just that.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 22 Apr 2010

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2010). I Hate My Husband. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 29, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2010/04/22/i-hate-my-husband/