Husband deployed and I have BPD

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

i am a former soldier, just recently got out of the military and my husband has been deployed now for three weeks (iraq). i have borderline personality disorder, anxiety issues and major depression and my husband got me to move in with his parents so that i wont be alone while he is deployed. while its nice to be not alone, i miss him as if its a physical pain. i cry all the time, stare at pictures of my husband, basically obsess over him. i cant sleep well, usually staying up all night. and i get very upset when my husband comes online, usually on skype, and his parents try to talk to him. (i view it as OUR time). his parents are very nice people and aware of my condition, but i still feel the need to flee…i feel like mabey they dont like me because im having problems dealing with my husband not being here. my husband is very understanding and does his best to calm me, but i feel as if im slowly losing control. like im on a slow downward spiral and i dont know how im going to make it twelve months of him being in iraq. i dont really know what to do, what to think, dont know if i can have a life because so paranoid to leave my computer because he might be online. i dont know if what im feeling is normal for people when thier significant other deploys. i just dont know what to do and any advice would be much appriciated. i just want to be strong for my husband and our daughter.

A: Thank you for writing. And thank you for serving. No, your behavior isn’t “normal,” but it is understandable. You know what your husband is going to be facing in Iraq. My guess is that you are scared for him and scared for yourself. I doubt very much that your in-laws don’t like you, although I do suspect that they don’t like feeling helpless to help you.

Your best source of help is probably the military. Check out the website for the National Veterans Foundation or call the Lifeline for America’s Veterans there. Here’s a quote from the website: “The NVF is standing by to provide you with personal assistance and advice. We are staffed by veterans with experiences from Vietnam to Iraq. We are trained not only in Veterans issues but also in crisis management for PTSD and suicide prevention. If there is anything we can do for you, . . .call us at 888-777-4443.”

Please take charge of yourself and make that call. You need the support of people who really understand. Your husband needs the peace of mind that comes with knowing that his family is okay while he is away. Your daughter needs a strong and put-together mom.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 18 Apr 2010

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2010). Husband deployed and I have BPD. Psych Central. Retrieved on August 27, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2010/04/18/husband-deployed-and-i-have-bpd/

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