He lies about texting

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

I have a boyfriend that texts every day and he hides it from me all the time he says he needs privacy,and that I don’t trust him at all the truth is that every time I check his phone or anything I always find girls names and I am so tired I always say this is it the last time and then here I end up with him….at the moment I am not working so he was supporting me,but I can’t say a word he gets violent and he call me names,I know I don’t deserve this he also goes out sometimes drinks and doesn’t come home…he even makes fun of me like if he tells me anything I will believe it.
Yesterday he was texting and he did it again I follow him and he didn’t want to show me the phone he said was his daughter but I know it wasn’t,so I told him he had to go because I couldn’t take it anymore and he went to his Mom’s house,…..I want to know if this is my fault what else could I have done ignore all this or what,I can’t because I had feelings for this guy…I got no one to talk to I need advise thank you.

A: I’m very sorry you find yourself in such a difficult and painful situation. You are dependent on this guy and you have feelings for him but – and this is a huge BUT – he isn’t trustworthy, he belittles you, and he even gets violent. None of this is your fault. None of it! You aren’t forcing him to lie or to text other women or to call you names or to get violent. He’s doing all that because he wants to and sees no reason to change. It’s true you shouldn’t be snooping. That probably doesn’t help things a bit. But that doesn’t cause his behavior or excuse it.

Since you are in your 40s and your boyfriend is supporting you, I’m guessing that you stay mainly because you’re scared to be out on your own. You need some help figuring out where to go and how to manage. The Domestic Violence 24 Hour Helpline For Survivors in Illinois — a toll-free call to phone number 877-863-6338 — can help. They can refer you to programs for housing, legal assistance, and counseling. There are centers in your city. I hope you will make that phone call. You don’t deserve to live under this kind of stress and fear.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 5 Apr 2010

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2010). He lies about texting. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 20, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2010/04/05/he-lies-about-texting/