I am engaged to a wonderful man. However,we havent gotten along very well the last couple of days. He said that he is going to ignore me for a whole month, no phone calls, etc, because he is tired of the fighting.
He has done this to me before, and now that our relationship is on the next level, I am deeply hurt by it. I need someone who I can talk to and work things out with, and he is avoiding me all together. When I tried to tell him what was wrong, he got mad at me because i was crying over stress, and said that, “he didnt need the stress, he had to go.”
I guess the thing is, I feel so hurt and I don’t know what to think. It makes me think that he is punishing me .
A: You two love each other but haven’t been able to figure out how to solve problems without fighting. The best interpretation I can make is that your boyfriend is taking drastic measures to try to fix a problem. Talking hasn’t worked so he’s trying something else. Unfortunately, his “something else” isn’t likely to solve the problem either.
Come on, you two. If you could fix this yourselves, you would have done so. For probably good reasons, you never learned how to negotiate differences and get to a place of agreement. If you want to save this relationship, I really think you should see a couples counselor. An experienced counselor is like a coach. He or she will teach you some new skills and will coach your practice.
An engagement isn’t something to throw away without giving it your best effort. I hope you will both agree to get the help you need so you don’t lose a loving relationship that has lots of potential.
I wish you both well,
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 30 Mar 2010
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2010). My boyfriend doesn’t want to talk to me. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 1, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2010/03/30/my-boyfriend-doesnt-want-to-talk-to-me/