Might I Have Borderline Personality Disorder?
Do I have symptoms of borderline personality disorder? I have tried to list some of my issues, I’ve probably missed some out. i-
- over analyse everything
- don’t keep friendships for long
- always wondering what people think of me
- take jokes way too seriously
- after arguments or bad things that have been said about me i think of killing myself
- i feel like i have no personality
- i feel different to everyone else and feel like i get treated differently because i’m not important
- get scared to make the effort with new people because they never like me for long so i don’t see the point
- always feel left out no matter who i’m with
- i feel like i have never been life and soul of the party. i’m always the person who is just there who doesn’t really contribute
- think about suicide atleast once a day
- my mood ranges from high to low every few hours
- i am never happy for a full day
How do i go about seeing a proper therapist at a hospital? I am currently having University counseling but I feel that I need to see a proper psychologist because of how much these issues mess up my life. I never feel motivated to do any uni work, I binge drink pretty much everyday to get away from my problems, I have constant fall outs with people and push friends and family away which makes me worse because i feel even more alone then. i always want company but at the same time when i’m around people i can’t be myself cos i don’t know what that is, and i have nothing to offer a group. i feel like people constantly walk all over me. instead of generally getting upset by people’s negative comments like normal people, i come back to my room and plan ways to kill myself. i constantly starve myself to punish myself and i often decide that i am going to starve myself to death. i have also thought of hanging myself, jumping off a building or overdosing. these thoughts come into my mind atleast once a day. and also my mood can go from happy to sucidal with the click of a finger. i don’t think i have bipolar or depression, it seems like an even bigger problem.
i feel like i can’t get close to people and it seems like everybody around me bonds really well with others and i am just left on the side lines. i feel like nobody cares about me and i am constantly accusing people of this. i feel like nobody wants to talk or see me, i feel i know this for a fact. i often sleep to get away from daily life.
then suddenly i am fine again. i will be hyper and talking to people, this usually lasts a few hours maximum a day then the depressive part of me comes back. i over anaylse people’s reactions.
what on earth is wrong with me????
A. It is difficult to give a diagnosis over the Internet. I often try to steer people away from focusing on a particular diagnosis. I also understand that some people want a diagnosis because it can guide treatment and provide a basis for understanding their personal experiences.
You mentioned that you are in counseling through the university but that you want a different therapist. Perhaps you feel that the university counseling is not enough. If so, then you should ask your current therapist to refer you to a new therapist. Maybe you could see both the university counseling therapist and the new therapist. When searching for a new therapist, choose one who can help you delve deeper into your issues. That may be what’s missing in your current counseling sessions.
I cannot offer you a diagnosis but I do believe that you are sincerely struggling. I believe your issues are serious, evidenced by your frequent desire to want to end your life. The good news is that your problems are solvable. Many of the symptoms you have described are related to low self-esteem. You don’t think highly of yourself. In addition to low self-esteem, you believe that you should be punished for certain behaviors or simply because of who you are. You engage in self-destructive acts. You are not thinking logically and that, among the other reasons listed, is why you should continue to pursue counseling. Counseling can also help you learn how to have successful relationships, which is another area that you seem to be struggling with.
Unfortunately, many people come to the incorrect conclusion that the only way to solve their life problems is to harm themselves or to consider suicide. I believe that people come to this conclusion because they don’t know how to deal with their problems. If they knew another way they would probably choose it. If an individual does not learn these skills from their parents or a wise mentor then they have to figure it out for themselves. Problem solving skills, among other types of skills, can be learned in therapy.
I am strongly encouraged that you are currently in counseling and are looking for more help. You are not giving up and I commend you for this. I would suggest that you speak to your current therapist about a referral. With the right help you can change the way you feel and your life could be greatly improved. Please keep up the great work and know that it may not be easy, it may take time but you are on the right track and life can get better for you. Here is a link to Psychology Today if you wish to search for a new therapist. Thanks for writing.
Randle, K. (2010). Might I Have Borderline Personality Disorder?. Psych Central. Retrieved on July 1, 2015, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2010/03/05/might-i-have-borderline-personality-disorder/