Torn between two men

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

My boyfriend of 4 yrs and I were having major problems for about 2 years. I ended up meeting a man from another state and we have been talking for about 4 months. That man and I believe we are soul mates. My boyfriend has changed back to being to man I met and fell in love with but now I don’t know what to do. I think I need to meet my potential soul mate in order to make a decision on which relationship to pursue. Both men know all about each other. Should I go meet the man in the other state?

A: By all means, go meet him. But please, keep yourself safe. You apparently only know this guy from the Internet at this point. Yes, people absolutely can (and do) meet their soulmate on the Web. But people also sometimes find that the soulmate via chat is either a dud or even dangerous in person. As a 30-something, I expect you know how to make sure that such a meeting occurs in a way that doesn’t make you vulnerable.

Why do I think you should meet? Because if you don’t, you will always wonder “what if.” Every time you and your boyfriend have a disagreement, he’ll be competing with your fantasy of the out-of-stater. The “what-if guy” will prevent you from committing as deeply and truly as you should if you choose to stay with your boyfriend.

Keep yourself safe. Meet the guy. Then choose, knowing what the choice is really about.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 17 Feb 2010

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2010). Torn between two men. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 21, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2010/02/17/torn-between-two-men/