Boyfriend problems and I’m pregnant

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Im 17 and about 4 months pregnant and my boyfriend said he needs to take a break to talk about things. When i try to have him come to my house, he swears he will, and then a few hours later he texts me saying he cant come anymore. Its happened this whole weekend every day. I want to fix things between us but he just wont give me the time to come over. He keeps bailing out on me, what should i do? How do I get him to come talk to me?

A: Unfortunately, no one can make someone else do anything. All you can do is let him know that it’s important to you and see how he responds. From what you’ve said, it sounds to me like you and your boyfriend have some serious work to do if you intend to raise this child together. You aren’t acting like a couple. How are you going to act like parents? It makes me wonder whether you two have really talked this through. Some people are willing to become responsible adults at 17. Others can’t handle the changes they will have to make to become a grownup and a parent. The fact that your boyfriend wants to “take a break” and keeps breaking his promises suggests to me that perhaps he is in the latter category.

If your boyfriend continues to avoid you, you have some important thinking to do. Are you able to raise the child by yourself? Do you have relatives who will help you out? Do you have the supports you’ll need so that you’ll be able to finish your schooling and go to work? Are you prepared to make the sacrifices that you’ll need to make in order to be a good mother to your baby?

If you can’t answer a strong yes to those questions, have you considered adoption? Sometimes the most loving thing a mother can do is to make it possible for her child to have a better life than she can give it. It’s a terribly hard choice to give up a child. It’s also a very hard choice to raise a child if you don’t have the supports and resources to do it well. Your doctor can help you find an agency to talk to so you can get all the facts and perhaps some counseling to help you make the best decision for both you and your baby.

If you have decide you have what it takes to be a single mom, I wish you the best. The job isn’t easy but most single moms do a great job raising their kids. They often don’t get the credit for it they deserve.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

Photo

 

 

Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 12 Jan 2010

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2010). Boyfriend problems and I’m pregnant. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 22, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2010/01/12/boyfriend-problems-and-im-pregnant/