Is my desire to be spanked healthy?

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker


Is my desire to be spanked healthy? I like to be spanked or whipped where it leaves marks or scars on my buttocks and sexual pleasure is derived from it. I have never done anything to someone against their will, and my wife consented every time to whip me or spank me every time I asked her to. I have spanked myself in the past with a stick, paddle or car antenna since I was 18 and my wife uses a 3 foot stick or a flogger whip on me. I usually get spanked 100 or more times until it is numb. I can function normally in a social and work environment and live a very normal life. I have no emotional disturbances as a result of the spankings. I usually insist on getting the spankings. I have erectile dysfunction disorder and it takes getting severely spanked to get me aroused enough to overcome that. My wife is ok with that, I am ok with it. I know a lot of safety about spanking and we never practice anything that has a high risk of hospitalization (deep flesh penetrations or deep lacerations) and when blood seeps through the pores of the skin, we stop. We know how to safely use the instruments we have. The whippings leave marks equivalent to casually walking in blackberry thorn brush and getting scratches in the skin as an initial appearance, but leaves a lifetime scar, which I have no problem with. Seeing bruises and marks on my butt also causes arousal.

A: What you are describing is a paraphilia. Paraphilias are recurrent, intense, sexually arousing behaviors that involve unusual activities or situations. The psychiatric diagnosis includes the criteria that the behaviors cause significant distress and impairment in functioning. However, the true incidence and prevalence of paraphilias may not be known since many people who have them don’t experience them as stressful or believe themselves to be impaired because of them. People who are not troubled by their sexual desires and who don’t get into trouble because of them are not likely to ask for treatment. If, as you say, you’re okay with it, your wife is okay with it, and you are taking adequate safety precautions, I’m of the opinion that it’s your private business. On the other hand, it does make me personally sad that it takes getting hurt for you to feel sexual arousal. For that reason alone I’d ask you to consider whether you want to make some changes. A therapist might be able to help you find sexual satisfaction in tenderness as well as in pain.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 11 Jan 2010

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2010). Is my desire to be spanked healthy?. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 27, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2010/01/11/is-my-desire-to-be-spanked-healthy/