I have no true friends

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

well you see i used to have real good friends but they weren’t really popular.we got seperated in middle school. i had to make friends so i started to hang out with these popular girls and they accepted me. i forgot all about my other friends and started spending more time with these girls and ever since we’ve been “best friends” i dont think so.i’m not a really social person i’m mostly quiet, but these girls were everywhere and everyone knew them. They can be sweet but nasty at the same time. There’s this one girl and she is very influencial. I remember one time she hated this one person but i didnt, the moment she said “she’s so annoying” i quickly thought of it too. im just afraid of having no friends and being talked about badly behind my back. i know they talk about me but i dont wanna say anything because im afriad and i dont know what to say. everyday i feel so sad and regretful at myself for not keeping the friendship i had before. everyday i feel like i have to live up to their standards or else i kinda get shunned and ignored. like today. all my “friends” were invited to this party. but all of a sudden someone just decided i wasn’t going to be invited and that just brought my self esteem wayy down low. and they even talked about it in front of me. i dont feel right and im so regretful sometimes i just want to kill myself. but im not going to i just cant.

A: This kind of “junk” (I’d use a stronger word but this is a family site) among peers is so painful. It probably doesn’t comfort you much for me to tell you that most of the girls in school are feeling the same way but it’s the truth. The best kept secret of some of the most “popular” kids is how scared they are that the pack will turn on them too.

The fact that you are thinking about the whole situation tells me that you are smart, sensitive, and more mature than some of your peers. You are sorting out for yourself what kind of person you want to be and who you want to hang around with. You are beginning to figure out exactly what your own values are – quite apart from the groupthink of the popular crowd. Day by day you are working on getting yourself strong enough to make your own decisions.

The kids who end up doing the best in high school tend to be those who are so comfortable with themselves that they can move comfortably among many groups. They don’t need to be mean to one person in order to be kind to another. They don’t have to have a particular group to feel secure. Instead they find a number of true friends.They don’t need to be superior in order to feel good enough. They tend to be the ones who are elected to offices and who are effective as team captains because they’ve managed to like and be liked by different kinds of people.

By thinking about it, you are taking the first steps toward being one of those successful people. I know it’s hard. I know it’s confusing. But you are doing really, really important work on yourself. Hang in there. You have what it takes to figure it out.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 9 Jan 2010

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2010). I have no true friends. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 25, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2010/01/09/i-have-no-true-friends/