My fiancee and I have been together about 2 years and have been through a lot, we lost our son and a few other issues have come up. The problem that I am having is that when I met him, I knew he had a lot of girls and when we got together I noticed that he has changed, we’re getting married soon and he really seems faithful.
The thing that makes me doubt him is that he is so secretive when it comes to his cell phone. If I pick it up he gets really upset. When he is texting or doing something on his phone, he always tilts it away so that I cant see it. I also feel like he puts his friend before me. Is he cheating? he acts like he is ready to settle down and start a family with me, but I am not so sure he is ready to sacrifice what it takes to be a familyman.
A: I’m really concerned that you two are getting married for the wrong reasons. You say that you lost a child and you’ve been through a lot. Sometimes mutual grief or having been through a very difficult time together makes a couple feel like they have to get married. You don’t. Sometimes those experiences are important life lessons. And sometimes the lesson is that the person we’re with isn’t quite who we thought.
From what you said, it sounds to me like your fiance isn’t quite ready to get married. It also sounds to me like you have some serious doubts. You two are only 21 and you’ve only been together 2 years. What’s your hurry? My best suggestion is that you take at least a year to get a little more distance from the loss of your son and to get to know yourselves and each other better. You might even want to take a little time out from the relationship and see other people for awhile and then see if you still feel the same way about each other. You want to be sure that you are each moving into married life together because you truly are choosing each other, not because a tragedy makes it seem inevitable.
I wish you well.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 2 Jan 2010
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2010). He’s secretive about his cell phone. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 30, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2010/01/02/hes-secretive-about-his-cell-phone/