Desire To Be Spanked Healthy?

By Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

When I was young, maybe 7 or 8, I was watching Blue Hawaii and there is this scene where Elvis takes this girl over his knee and spanks her because she tried to kill herself by driving into the lake…when I say girl, I guess I really mean young woman. Anyways, ever since I saw that scene, I was really intrigued and curious. I had never seen a man spank a full grown woman. The only thing I could relate spanking to was the abuse that I witnessed my mother perpetrate in my home. But this scene didn’t seem like what my mom did. So anyways after that every time the topic of spanking was broached, I got this feeling of anticipation…like just hearing or reading the word made me excited, for lack of a better word. When I was in 8th grade I started looking at things on the internet that had to do with adult spanking. This led me to the domestic discipline sights that talk about spanking in a relationship. I became engrossed to say the least. I read all the DD stories. And decided that I couldn’t be in a relationship that did not include me getting a sound spanking when I deserved one… Also, another aspect that I think may be relevant is the fact that I have struggled with self injury off and on for 5 years.I was wondering if that somehow correlates with my spanking needs… but the real issue I guess is…is this a healthy expression? Is there something wrong with my desire to be disciplined by my mate?

A. You have asked some very good questions. For purposes of this answer I may hereon refer to spanking under the broad category of bondage, domination and sadomasochism (BDSM).

Human sexuality is very complicated and poorly understood. Though it is considered taboo in America, spanking and other related BDSM activities are relatively common practices. It is difficult to find precise statistics but generally research shows that approximately 10 percent of the population engages in some form of BDSM-related activities. It is likely higher than 10 percent because of underreporting.

You wonder if cutting may be correlated to your desire to be spanked. It may be. How they would be connected is less clear but it should be investigated. Cutting is unhealthy and it is usually a sign of deep emotional suffering or other problems and often requires psychological help.

The desire to be spanked for sexual arousal is not uncommon. As long as it is not psychologically or physically damaging to the individual, most therapists would not attempt to change this behavior. A therapist should explore whether there is a connection between your desire and the cutting. I cannot answer your specific question since I have limited information.

Because of the cutting I would suggest counseling. If you decide to pursue therapy you may want to consider choosing a therapist who is knowledgeable about BDSM or a sex therapist. Thank you for your question. If you like to find a therapist in your community please search this directory. I wish you the best of luck.

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 22 Dec 2009

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2009). Desire To Be Spanked Healthy?. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 19, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2009/12/22/desire-to-be-spanked-healthy/