Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years. We met online and after a year we met up in real life. We had our problems but have always sorted them out. My problem is that ever since we have met, its always me going to his house and he has never been to mine. We keep arranging for him to come here and he always seems willing but each time there is a reason that he cant. Im never too sure whether they are real reasons or whether he just doesnt want to make the effort. My parents have invited him to come and spend new years eve with us. Ive asked him and he said he would love to and he would ask his mum.( We are 18 years old and he lives in London and myself in Manchester) But that was 2 weeks ago and he hasnt said anything about it which gives me the impression he doesnt want to come. I dont know what to do. I love him so much. But i dont know what to do.
A: Your boyfriend seems to love you as long as he doesn’t have to make much effort. It may be that he is in some way continuing your online relationship. He met you while staying at home. He’s still staying at home. He doesn’t move from his comfort zone. That may have been okay when you were 15 but you two are now young adults. Growing up means leaving the comforts of home and making your own lives. You seem ready but he doesn’t.
It may be that you have outgrown him. Separating from him will be hard since you have been together so long. But it might be wise for you to take a break from the relationship to get to know some other men. In order to make a wise choice of a partner, you need to have people to choose from. Right now you are choosing from a group of one. (It’s easy to be the “best” when there is no competition.) Get out there and get some experience. Encourage him to do the same. If your relationship is really the best for the two of you, you will come back to it — this time as adults.
I wish you well.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 14 Dec 2009
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2009). My boyfriend won’t meet my family. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 31, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2009/12/14/my-boyfriend-wont-meet-my-family/