Everyone seems to hate me for who I am

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

From 15 year old guy: I honestly don’t know where to start, I kinda hate my life right now, nothing ever goes right. It all started off last summer. The friends that i had been hanging out with just ditched me and started making fun of me because i wasn’t the coolest person to be friends with at out school. So now i wake up and go to school, i have no friends there, and i get made fun of for no reason at all. I try to be positive and be nice to people but they are just the opposite.

Also on top of that my parents like hate each other and act like they hate me. I am so sick of it. My parents didn’t do well in school and neither of them went to college and i am trying really hard to do that. I am taking 4 advanced classes and i have all A’s and B’s. But take this as an example, i got an A in math but they weren’t proud of me because i didn’t do the extra credit. They also don’t understand what i am going through at school. I am just trying to live my life correctly.

Both of my parents are hardcore Christians and after a lot years being in church i really don’t like it. As of now I view myself as an athiest, so they do a lot of stuff to make me uncomfortable on purpose. They force the whole family to gather around while my dad reads the bible, i don’t have a problem with that but then they start throwing things in my face and start yelling at me and calling me stupid in stuff for not believing in god. I hate it.

Also my mom has an OCD on cleaning and she is a perfectionist along with my dad, sadly once again i am the opposite of those, so i have to take a bunch of crap for that too. My dad and brother are obsessed over football and my dad favors my brother, it is very obvious. I love to play video games and compete with people, and i am very good and could probably make it into competitions and stuff. But they hate ALL OF IT. When i am playing my xbox its always why don’t you go outside or study or do something productive… and that leads to yelling at me. Also i can be in the middle of something and my 9 year old brother can just boss me around and my dad will stick up for him. I get kicked off my xbox all the time for my brother to watch a football game, and same with the computer… i get kicked off of that too. They don’t like the music i listen to, games i play, stuff i like, or anything. And instead of just leaving it at a dislike they make fun of me for it and make fun of the stuff. I am so tired of it. I can never, ever do anything right. It just never ends. Please someone give me some advice to deal with this. And thanks for reading this.

A: Some people just seem to be born into the wrong family. This is a story as old as time. Remember the children’s story of the “Ugly Duckling”? A swan egg was put into a duck’s nest. Naturally the baby swan didn’t look or act like the baby ducks so he was picked on and teased and bullied. Then he grew up to be a beautiful and graceful swan. My guess is that he also grew to be sensitive to others’ pain.

So, my “ugly duckling” friend, how are we going to help you make the passage to a beautiful adulthood? I do have a few ideas since I’ve known dozens of kids like you over the years.

The first thing to do is to find an interest outside of school that will introduce you to a new pool of people. Since you are good at video games and think you could compete, why not try to find a club of kids (or make one) who share your interest? If you like computers, maybe you can find others who would like to know how to do cool stuff with electronics too. (Even Bill Gates started as a high school kid, exploring what a computer can do.)

Then – stop caring so much about whether your parents get it about school and grades and your interests in college. Start looking at college websites and set a goal for yourself. Talk to your guidance department about it. Get the best grades you can and figure out how to apply for scholarships. An education can set you free.

Next step? Stop fighting with your folks. You can’t make swans out of ducks. They can’t make a duck out of a swan. Work on accepting your family for who they are. Eventually, you may be able to get to a place of mutual respect. Be as mature as you know how to be and it will invite the same. Clean your room because an orderly environment creates an orderly mind. Focus on what you need to do to be successful in life.

It’s too bad that you and the rest of your family don’t fit easily together. But you can make it work for you. By taking charge of your life, you will learn the skills you need to be a successful leader in whatever you decide to do.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 29 Nov 2009

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2009). Everyone seems to hate me for who I am. Psych Central. Retrieved on July 25, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2009/11/29/everyone-seems-to-hate-me-for-who-i-am/

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