Thinks im lying about virginity

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

It all started in the summer when I met this amazing guy, and how everything happened seemed so magical. (Remind you, I’m still with this amazing guy) It was so weird how it all happened it was as if god sent us to each other, and we do love each other very very much. But theirs one thing that has been bothering my boyfriend as well as myself. He was the first guy I had sex with, and when we had sex for the first time I didn’t bleed at all. And he thinks I’m lying to him and that I’ve done it in the past. He said he doesn’t care. So I don’t see what the point of me lying is. He really honestly was my first, and I’m so sick of this question being brough up because everytime it does it makes me cry because it’s still special to me that he was my first even tho I didnt “bleed” I don’t know what to do to overcome this situation? because it hurts me

A: Bleeding occurs due to the rupture of the hymen during first intercourse. But not all hymens are alike. The size and shape varies from person to person. Some women have no hymen at all. Some hymens are very thin and rupture during adolescence due to physical activity or tampon use. And some women have hymens that are so thick or banded that surgery is needed to make intercourse possible. A simple search on the Internet will establish those facts for your boyfriend.

Your problem, however, is not about establishing medical facts. Of far more importance is that your boyfriend doesn’t believe you and keeps bringing up the subject in a way that makes you cry. An “amazing” guy trusts what his girlfriend says and doesn’t keep assaulting her self-esteem like this. To me this is a huge red flag. I have to wonder what he thinks he is getting out of questioning you and why you are putting up with it. These are not the dynamics of a mutually trusting and respectful relationship. You two should be talking about trust, not about a membrane.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 9 Nov 2009

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2009). Thinks im lying about virginity. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 21, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2009/11/09/thinks-im-lying-about-virginity/