I’m 16 and I’m gay. I dated a guy that i totally fell head over heels for. He was perfect. we were so in love. we were together for a year and 6 months and i was planning on proposing on our two year anniversary because we had already discussed marriage. Anyway, one day we were talking and he broke up with me, and said, “Baby, I love you and I always will. But sometimes love just isn’t enough…” he broke up with me. I was devastated. I still am. For a month after the break up, i didn’t eat, i didn’t sleep, talk to anyone, or even get out of bed. then, i, for the third time, attempted suicide. but now everything reminds me of him. i cry about him at random times and he possesses my mind. im still in love with him, im convinced he is “the one” like we all pursue. i dont know what to do any more. how can i get over him, or make him love me again?i just want him back. i love him so much. I want him back in my life. please help me. i really appreciate it.
A: I’m so very sorry for the excruciating pain you are in. It must feel terrible to be left so abruptly. I wish your ex had given you more information about why. I do have a guess that your intensity scared him. At 16, you’re already talking about marriage and centering your life entirely on the relationship. If you want someone to love you, I think you need to work on loving yourself more and becoming a less needy person. Instead of obsessing about the past and your ex, it would be more helpful for you to focus on your present and future. Ask yourself what you would be upset or worried about if you were not filling your thoughts with your ex. That might tell you what you need to be working on to be a more substantial person and a more attractive potential partner.
It may be very difficult for you to do this type of self-analysis on your own, especially since you are currently so upset. For that reason, I think it would be wise for you to seek out a counselor to talk to. If that’s too big a leap for you, please consider talking to the counselors at the Boys and Girls Town Hotline, (800) 448-3000. Counselors are available 24/7 to talk about anything that is troubling you. I do hope you will follow through. I can tell you are a highly sensitive and intelligent person. Now you need to learn how to work with those gifts to help yourself grow.
I wish you well.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 21 Oct 2009
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2009). Suicidal over Break-Up. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 9, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2009/10/21/suicidal-over-break-up/