My parents have always been strict. I understand, they’re parents. But after my dad got sick he got worse. He spent 2 months in the hospital, and me and my mom barely slept or ate trying to get him insurance and pay the bills and going to welfare and the social security office and when he got out and came home, his temper got worse. He yelled at me saying I was rebelious and useless and no matter what I did he wasnt happy. Im old enough to move out but I have debt from college and if I have rent to pay too it’ll be harder. I somehow feel like he’s being unfair after all I went through for his sake, but I don’t mention it because I owe it to him as my father to do what I did. I just want all this to stop. I can’t take it much longer and sometimes I cry and im sinking deeper into depression. Im a positive person and my self esteem has always been great. But I feel disgusting and I don’t want to wake up anymore. Should I risk moving out and being broke or stay and risk getting more depressed?
A; I’m sorry your family went through such a difficult time. You and your mom did a great job taking care of your family together. I don’t blame you for being frustrated by your dad’s behavior. I find myself wondering if your dad’s short fuse is because he was really scared by his illness and embarrassed that he needed so much help. Sometimes when people feel scared and anxious and out of control, they take it out on the people who love them the best. If he is on medications now, they could also be causing him to be on edge. You and your mom worked well together during his illness. Can you talk with her about what is going on now and how to best handle it?
Meanwhile: The way you frame your question is a lose-lose. Broke or depressed. Neither sounds very attractive, does it. A more helpful way to look at the situation is as an opportunity to grow up and be independent. Yes, it’s hard to live on what most entry-level jobs pay, especially with school debts. But please ask yourself if that is the real problem. Lots of young people manage by sharing an apartment, doing without a car, and generally living a lower standard of living than they ideally would like to have – at least for awhile – in order to have a more independent life. Joining up with friends who are going through the same thing certainly makes it more manageable. There is lots of satisfaction in pulling it off. The struggle can make you resourceful and strong. I also have a guess that a little distance will help your relationship with your dad. It’s at least worth a try.
I wish you well.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 14 Oct 2009
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2009). Should I be broke or depressed?. Psych Central. Retrieved on January 25, 2015, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2009/10/14/should-i-be-broke-or-depressed/