We never actually have a real conversation

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

hi i have bad grammar and spelling so please excuse me for my writing.

i’ve been dating my boyfriend for two months and during these two months we never actually have a real conversation in real life. every time we speak to each other i feel there is awkward air between us. i never see him or do anything with him at school because he is always with his friends. (and i think he friends doesn’t like me very much, i’m not sure) and on fridays, he out with his friends too usually drinking and smoking weed ( i’m extremely disappointed and unhappy with the fact that he is doing weed and i told him be he just said its okay, i dont do it all the time)

i told him about us havng communication problems and he said he understands and he said he wants to fix the problems too. but it doesn’t seem like he is trying. he says i don’t care about him and i say the same. and it just goes back and forth. –if you know what i mean–

i’m not the clingy, or protective type and he isn’t either so many this cause us to not be as close? i’m not sure but it’s been bother me for a very long time because we don’t talk at all or see each other. i told him before that we don’t even look like we’re friends let alone ‘dating’ but he said something along the lines of “so? who cares?”

i usually call him at 12 to talk to him, as that is the only time we ever talk, but he says its too late so i called him at 11 but he never talks back because hes always gaming so taht defends the point.

this past week he ignored me and didn’t even try to talk to me.

okay. i’ll stop ranting but i’m mostly confused as to what i should do because i don’t want to break up because i still like him. i tried talking to him but it doesn’t help.

please help?

and again sorry for the grammar.

A: It seems to me that the two of you have different ideas about what it means to be dating. He doesn’t see a problem. You do. And that is the real problem. There’s no “right” way to do a relationship except what is right for the two people involved. You two can’t even seem to find a time and a place to talk about it, much less reach an agreement.

I’m sure your boyfriend must be sweet for you to be willing to put up with such a big difference between you for so long. But it just may be that his style isn’t for you, however sweet he is. At 15, you are not committed to staying in a relationship that isn’t what you want or need. My best suggestion to you is that you take a time out and see who else is out there. There’s probably a guy just hoping to find someone like you.

And — stop apologizing for your grammar and do something about it. This is your time to learn and practice and get better at presenting yourself in writing. Most good jobs require good written communication. Please, please take care of yourself. Don’t cheat yourself out of a good future by not taking your writing classes seriously.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 12 Oct 2009

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2009). We never actually have a real conversation. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 1, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2009/10/12/we-never-actually-have-a-real-conversation/