Exhausted and unsure

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

i am 24 years old married with 1 child i want to leave my husband he is not abusive or anything is just that he does not work has not worked for almost 2 years we have been together for 5 and when he did work he got fired i have been carrying this family from day 1 and i’m tired i feel like if i’m doing this by myself now i don’t need him and i don’t have any children from him what should i do i just feel so stupid

A: You sound exhausted. At 24, you shouldn’t be this worn out. What you didn’t tell me is whether your husband is depressed or whether he just doesn’t care about carrying his share of the load. If he’s depressed, he needs treatment. If he is just sponging off you, well, that’s another matter.

The lack of abuse isn’t enough to make a marriage. There needs to be a positive investment in the relationship and the willingness to work as a team for a marriage to work. After two years of this, it’s time you guys got some help to figure out what’s up with him and to decide what you are going to do about your marriage.

It may be that you are feeling too resentful and too fed up to even want to try anymore. That would be understandable. But if you do still love this man, please consider getting some couples counseling. If your husband won’t go, please go by yourself at first. Often a partner will join in after he sees that his wife is serious about it and is getting something out of it. I did a search on the Internet and found out that there are some good behavioral health services in your area. Ask your doctor or clergyperson to help you find something you can afford.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 11 Oct 2009

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2009). Exhausted and unsure. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 22, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2009/10/11/exhausted-and-unsure/