Very Strong Urges and Anger
I had posted earlier about this problem, but I realize i did not provide enough information, and i did not provide it correctly. My dad thinks he is jesus, and burned down his house. To him, I’m an angel and my sister is going to blow up the world. after these events I have come to believe he is psychotic. I think I may have schizophrenia. The syptoms and behaviors started when I was 15. I’m not 17, and I fear they have gotten worse. when they first started, I was really angry. Small sounds that a normal person wouldn’t be able to hear would make me go into a rage. I was always paranoid people were talking about me, so my entire high school life was spent looking over my shoulder, and not trusting anyone. In the past year, this has developed farther. I have weird urges. Once, I had an urge to put a blanket over my daughters face and suffocate her, other times urges to drive into a deep deep ditch. If my boyfriend touches me I will get very angry, and I don’t know why. Some other things about me, I count chips in groups of 10 and I do it in groups of 2 or 3s. I will sometimes count my steps. I have grown very paranoid about someone breaking into my house, and something bad happaning to my boyfriend. I can not remember almost anything about my childhood, just bits and pieces of memory that has flooded in my mind the last couple of years. I also hallucinate. I was sitting in my car the other day, stopped at a stop sign, when I look in my rearview mirror I see a truck about to slam into the back of my car. I blink, and the image is gone. Once I was driving, and I thought I saw something jump out of some nearby bushes, and slam into my car. I swerved, and asked my boyfriend if he saw it, he didn’t. just things like that. My daughter is 5 months, I do not have postpartum, well I might. I really think something is wrong.
A. Thank you for the followup and clarification. You’ve described your father as possibly being psychotic. Based on your description you may be correct.
With regard to having schizophrenia I am always hesitant to diagnose an individual over the Internet. You have symptoms that may be characteristic of schizophrenia but the best way to know is to have an evaluation. As I stated in my earlier response the main concern is that you experience urges to harm and kill your child. You said you do not believe you have postpartum. I presume you meant postpartum depression. Another condition exists called postpartum psychosis. Women at risk for postpartum psychosis are those who have had psychotic symptoms prior to their pregnancy. It’s a rare condition and no one is certain exactly why it occurs. There is a possibility that you’re experiencing postpartum psychosis.
You are experiencing very serious symptoms that require immediate treatment. It must be difficult to essentially live life in a fog, unsure of what is real and what is not. If you are not sure where to find treatment call your local community mental health agency and ask for a referral.
My other concern about your situation is your father. If you’re living with him and he is experiencing psychotic symptoms, this may negatively influence your symptoms. In addition, living with your father may negatively impact your child. If he is experiencing psychotic symptoms, he may engage in a behavior or activity that is potentially dangerous. As you mentioned earlier he previously burned down the house. Individuals who are experiencing psychosis have the potential to act irrationally because they are sick. I strongly urge you to seek treatment immediately. You need help for yourself so you can effectively and safely raise your daughter. Please write back if you have any followup questions.
Randle, K. (2009). Very Strong Urges and Anger. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 9, 2015, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2009/10/09/very-strong-urges-and-anger/