Boyfriend says he has lost all hope

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker


so my boyfriend has been going though some tough times . he lost his job and is upset about not having any money. i’v tried to comfront him and be there for him but it seems he doesn’t care one way or the other. he keeps telling me he’s tired of trying and that i should find somebody else to be with because he will never be anything (or amount to anything) and every time i try to say something positive he turn it into negativity. hearing him say this really hurts my feelings because i love him and care for him a lot. please help me; what should i do?

A: Your boyfriend sounds seriously depressed. At 18, it’s much too early for him to decide he isn’t going to amount to anything. He finds the cloud around any silver lining you try to give him. I hope you can suggest to him that he should look into talking to a counselor. There are also some telephone counselors available 24/7 who can be helpful.

  • Teenline (1-800-522-8336) exists to help teens deal with concerns that affect their lives. Many of the workers are teens and young adults themselves.
  • The Boys Town National Hotline (1-800-448-3000) is also set up to respond to young men and women who want someone to talk to when they are depressed or when they feel they can’t talk to their parents about things that trouble them.
  • The National Suicide Prevention Hotline (1-800 273-8255) provides support and advice for people who are depressed and who are at risk.>/li>

Finally, if you worry that your boyfriend is so depressed he might hurt himself, please, please notify his parents or another trusted adult. Although he may be mad at you for it, it’s better to put up with his anger than to have to live with the guilt and regret if he does harm himself.

Meanwhile, please also take care of yourself. It’s really hard to love someone who can’t love you back. It’s hard to feel helpless to change things. Find some supports for yourself so that you don’t feel alone and to give you some advice for how to handle the situation.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 6 Oct 2009

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2009). Boyfriend says he has lost all hope. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 26, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2009/10/06/boyfriend-says-he-has-lost-all-hope/