How do I get wife and counselor off my back?

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

I have been going through a rough time with my wife. We have been married 23 years and we seem to have fallin out of love and grown apart. We were on the verge of separation when I decided to get into marriage counseling with my wife before we decided to separate.

Some background, my wife has insisted I am depressed for years and has been insisting I go and get medication for it.
So during our third counseling session the counselor says to me ” I strongly recommend you see a doctor for your depression.” This gets my wife back on me to see a doctor and get medication.
I do not feel depressed. I do have difficulty sleeping and get sad from events that go on in life just like anyone else. And I am not a happy person when I go to the marriage counselor and have not been happy around my wife due to many events that have occurred.

I have taken the online tests suggested at your web site and get rated low or mildly depressed.

What can I do about this situation and to get my wife and now counselor of my back?

A: Thank you for writing. You and your wife have spent more than half your lives together. I’m glad you are willing to give counseling a chance. 23 years is a big emotional investment to walk away from without an honest attempt to make things right again.

Your counselor may need a little more help from you in order to be helpful to you. It’s not about getting him off your back. It’s about giving him information to work with.

My guess is that your counselor doesn’t know that he walked into a disagreement you are having with your wife. You could tell him something like: “I don’t think you know enough about me yet to make that suggestion. My wife has been asking me to get on medication for years but I really don’t think that’s the problem. I think my sadness has more to do with my disappointment in my marriage. Can we try working on that first?” This gives the counselor much more to go on and perhaps will take your sessions to a new level.

Another idea is for you to make an appointment with a psychiatrist for a professional evaluation for depression. If the doctor agrees with you, it will help you close the argument. If not, I hope you will be willing to consider that just maybe others are observing something that you can’t see yourself.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

Photo

 

 

Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 3 Oct 2009

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2009). How do I get wife and counselor off my back?. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 1, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2009/10/03/how-do-i-get-wife-and-counselor-off-my-back/