How Can Someone Change So Quickly?

By Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I became close friends with a girl in my class. Then it developed into a bit more than friends when we started flirting with each other. since our classes were on part time basis in the morning, i used to work in a consulting firm in the afternoon till 8 at night. i was well paid over there and had been liked by all, even my boss. i am very soft spoken and very rarely hurt others.

Since the girl i liked had some financial problems, as her parents were wage earners on daily basis. I arranged her a job at my place, as i knew the persons at my work place and they dint say no to me. Everything went right in the beginning. we became more closer and closer. Reached a stage where we couldn’t breathe if we dint see each other in a day. we cared for each other a lot. Started liking each other very much.

After 2 months she couldnt handle both studies and job, as since it was last year we were bogged down with lots of assignment.she had to quit the job to concentrate on studies. also her mother was hospitalized in the mean time for a week. i was always besides her through out the tough times she was going. i however continued with the job. we started flirting more and more in class. I sometimes couldn concentrate on work as i missed her lot at my work place. i told her that i liked her a lot. i was waiting for right time to propose her.

But then after few days the problems started. she started paying lesser and lesser attention to me. she doesnt have a boyfriend. But used to hang out with a bunch of friends. but since i couldnt hang out with her all day long as i had my job in the afternoon but still sometimes i would be with her, at the cost of my pay.

she stopped texting me back citing reasons of being tired all day long. kept her conversation limited to two to three text. was even lazy to attend my calls. however i was more busier than her actually given my work and morning classes. but still could find time for her. deep inside i was feeling let down by her and that she had no time for me. I spoke to her regarding why she is not as close as we used to be before. She was telling that she liked me a lot, cared for me. but also had other things family, friends etc for which she had to devote time.

as days passed she never used to call me r text me. but used to reply sluggishly when i calld r textd her. finally it reached a stage where she would only wish me good morning and gd night and used to say a ‘hi’ when she met me face to face.

one day i had met an accident. i was not injured but my car was badly. i txtd her regarding it as i always do. she replied to check whether i was ok. for which i narrated her the incident. then she told me she would txt me back as she was busy. but that whole day she was not bothered to know about. i wondered is this the same girl who used to care for me a lot.

The next morning i had to rush my dad to doctor as he complained of chest pain. Doc advised us to take him to another city for check up as we dint have superspeciality treatment in our town. i came to meet her after dropping my dad home. she was hanging out with her friends. she smiled and wished me hi. and continued having fun with friends. i wanted to talk to her. waited a bit. i dint want to poke my nose into their conversation. i left from there saddened and dint say good bye before leaving to anyone. i just left.

Night i had travel wid dad to next city for treatment. i wished her good night before leaving. she dint. good morning next day. she dint. i was so so sad. the girl whom i had done so much has no concern for me. i txtd her why she is not replying n i asked sorry if i had done any thing wrong. i was sure i dint do anything wrong. she never replied.

Next day i reached back. txtd her about me leaving town, hospital etc but she dint reply as usual. That was the last time even i textd her.i wanted to talk to her that day. she dosent look at my face

I would like to know how can someone be so mean and rude. after all i cared so much for her. loved her. It was not only that i cared for her but she said in the past many times that she care for me a lot and likes me.my mind is not working now. i cant work. my boss complains as i keep my work pending. I don’t have the zeal to work as before. i feel very sad. i dont know whom to be trusted and who not to. i want to know why did she do that. i want to ask her that. but she dosent look my face.i dont want her to be sympathetic towards me. i am not expecting a favor from her in return for the things i done for her..i just want her to speak to me..I still love her and care for her.What might have gone wrong??? Why is life so cruel to me???How can human behavior be so unpredictible and can behavior of individuals change so fast??? it feels difficult for me to move on as i have to look at her daily in class..I cant forget her..I love her..

A. Two possible explanations may explain her behavior: she lost interest in the relationship or she met someone else. Another possibility is that she has a boyfriend, even though she said she didn’t. Maybe she’s emotionally unstable. Perhaps her parents forbade the relationship. There are many possible reasons to explain her behavior. No one can know for certain, except her, why she behaved in the manner she did.

The person you fell in love with has hurt you and you have to see her on a daily basis. This has to be difficult.

Keep in mind that you have only known her for a short period of time. In that time, you became infatuated with her. The problem with infatuation is that it can potentially blind you to possible relationship problems. Your perception of the relationship was that almost overnight she changed but your letter describes her pulling away slowly, day by day. Because of your infatuation it may have been difficult for you to believe that the relationship was ending.

Unfortunately, when relationships end, there is usually one person who is hurt more than the other. If someone decides they no longer want the relationship to continue then the other person has no choice but to comply. You are feeling hurt by your loss and understandably so.

There is a very high probability that your pain will lessen with time. You won’t always feel as bad as you do. This process will be much easier once you no longer have a daily class with her.

One last thing, try to think of the flip side of this negative experience. At least you were informed that the relationship was not a match early on rather than finding out years later. You are now free to search for a partner who is better suited for you and who wants to be with you. There are many women out there who would love you and appreciate you for who you are. They are there waiting for you. Keep looking and I wish you well.

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 29 Sep 2009

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2009). How Can Someone Change So Quickly?. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 26, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2009/09/29/how-can-someone-change-so-quickly/