I am having alot of troubles of letting the past go and forgiving. My husband got addicted to pain pills and did alot of hurtful stuff to me during that time. Now i can not trust him and feel hurt about what he has done to me. He goes on like nothing has happened and put it all behind him.
i am not sure if i need to seek a professional to talk to and if that will help me. I do not have the money now to do so. I am on Effexor for the depression part and for the most part it is working.
I also feel that I may be bipolar but am ashamed to say anything to my doctor. Nor to my husband because he does not think depression is a big deal. He just tells me to get over stuff and move on. I just do not know how. I feel i am in a stuck in a bubble all by myself. I really need help.
A: Hello and thank you for your question:
It sounds like you have really been through a lot of very difficult times and I will try to address the problems you have mentioned separately. First, I would have to ask, is your husband still using, or has he gotten clean from the pills? If he is getting help, then he needs to start demonstrating how he is different and how he is working to get your trust back. This is where couples therapy would probably be a great help, but I understand what it’s like to be short on cash.
He may be pretending that nothing has happened for a couple of reasons. One, he may actually think that nothing major did happen. Let’s hope that’s not the case. I would prefer to think that he’s ashamed of what has happened and wants to get over it. Either way, he needs to address it, and he may feel better about writing you a letter, or talking with a therapist, or both. If he isn’t going to N.A., then he should really consider it. Drugs can be very tempting and if he doesn’t have support from other addicts, then he is at risk for falling back into it. These support groups really do help, and he needs a sponsor to help him stay clean.
I am not quite clear why you would be ashamed of telling your doctor that you may be bipolar. To be honest, it’s something that he can help you with, and he needs to know the whole truth about what’s going on in your head, otherwise he can’t treat you the way that he’s trained to. If you don’t trust your doctor, find one you can trust. I’ll bet, however, that given the chance to hear what’s going on, he might be able to either prescribe a better med, or explain what is going on. You may only be having anxiety attacks and that’s not bipolar. But I wouldn’t really want to either venture a guess or diagnose you over the Internet.
Depression and anxiety is a big deal and there is help out there for you. Your husband may be afraid that if you get help and get better that you won’t need him anymore. That’s usually not the case. Just know this; you don’t have to be alone. You can get the help you need by either going to Find A Therapist, or contact your state psychological association’s referral number for psychologists in your area who take your insurance or offer a sliding scale.
I hope this helps,
Dr. Diana Walcutt
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 21 Sep 2009
Walcutt, D. (2009). Depression and Anxiety. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 24, 2013, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2009/09/21/depression-and-anxiety-2/