Dad left and Mom is blaming me

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

My mother and father got into a fight about me. Now my father hasn’t been home in 3 days and my mother is blaming me about it. Should I feel depressed? Because lately I have been thinking about the fight, and it was partly my fault. I am very sad about this entire thing, and I am wondering if this is normal?

A: Of course it’s normal to feel sad and down when a family is having major troubles. But, please. No matter how much people may want to blame you, it’s not your fault that your father left. You are a 14-year-old kid. Your parents are the grownups. It is up to them to work together to resolve their differences — including any differences they have about how to raise you. You may not be an angel. You may even “stir the pot.” But it’s up to the adults to be the mature people in this situation and to figure things out.

It sounds to me like your parents need some help. Talk to an adult relative you trust or to your school counselor. Ask about having a discussion with your parents. Tell this trusted adult you need advice about getting some marriage and family therapy to help your parents learn how to work together.

Meanwhile, if you are ever feeling upset, you can call the counselors at Boys Town at (800) 448-3000. Counselors are available to talk with kids like you 24/7. Don’t be put off by the name. They talk to girls too.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 11 Sep 2009

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2009). Dad left and Mom is blaming me. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 24, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2009/09/11/dad-left-and-mom-is-blaming-me/