Depressed and afraid

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

I am a mother , my daughter is 4 years old, and I am going through lots of things in life right now. I often feel down sad and helpless im always depressed and when im depressed i tend to hurt myself to ease the pain. it doesnt work anymore. now im plagued by thoughts of having bad things happening to me and my daughter. Like my apartment catching fire or somebody breaking into my apt and killing us or going out and getting hit by a car. I spend my days in my room all day everyday my mother takes my daughter to get her away from my pain.

I dont know what else to do this thoughts and everything else is driving me crazy. I dont sleep anymore just waiting watching my doors and windows and checking my stove to make sure is off. I am married but my marriage is no longer up and running. We dont even live together. I get very afraid when i do have to go out to the store or to an appointment i get very angry and lash out at everybody.

I sleep with a hammer next to my bed just in case and i told my husband if he comes close i will kill him, he has hurt us too much. I promised him i will do it and i dont care he hurt me he has to pay and i just see me smashing his brains out with my hammer, if he comes near us again. Im sorry this is so long but what can I do? I feel so sick.

A: A visit with a mental health counselor is way overdue. No one should have to live with the feelings, thoughts, and fears you are plagued with every day. It is wearing you down and clouding your judgment. I’m very, very concerned for you.

Fortunately, you live in an area where there are many good mental health counselors. Ask your doctor for a referral or call your local Mental Health Association at 978-458-6282. You can learn more about what they offer by emailing mhagl@mhalowell.org.

In the meantime, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at (800) 273-8255 whenever you feel like hurting yourself or whenever you are scared. (I know you didn’t mention suicide in your letter. The Lifeline counselors are there to help with depression too.)

Please, please take yourself seriously – both for yourself and for your little girl. You are in serious emotional trouble and you both deserve more help and support. You made an important first step by writing to us here at PsychCentral. Now please find the strength and the courage to take the next one and call for the help you need.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 31 Aug 2009

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2009). Depressed and afraid. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 29, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2009/08/31/depressed-and-afraid/