Angry Best Friend

By Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

My best friend recently got married to a man i feel less than great about. I was discussing it with a close group of our mutual friends one night about my concerns.I suggested maybe we talk to her about it and simply let her know that we are always here but that we have our worries. A couple weeks later i found out that my friend was told about our conversation and she was extremely angry with me. Since then nothing has been the same, she seems to hate me now. She doesnt want to see me and i hear from people that she says ugly things about me behind my back. I have tried for months to make things right with her but nothing works. Everyone tells me that i should move on forget about her and that theres nothing i can do but ive just been so depressed lately, I dont go anywhere, and Ive completely lost interest in everything. I want to move on but its killing me, everyday it gets worse and i dont know what to do.

A. Have you tried writing her a letter? Maybe she will not interact with you face-to-face at this time but a letter that explains how sorry you are may eventually lead to forgiveness.

Based on her initial reaction to your comments, if you choose to write a letter, don’t reiterate your concerns about her husband. Focus on how sorry you are about what’s happened between you.

Keep in mind that she’s already married to him. She loves him and she’s going to be protective of him and of her decision to get married. Even if your concerns about him are justified she may not be psychologically open to hearing them. That might explain her reaction.

I don’t know the exact nature of your comments about your friend’s husband. Therefore I don’t know if your comments were warranted or accurate.

The best thing to do is to write her a letter, be patient with her and give her space. Give her time to forgive you. I know it’s tough but hang in there. Your friendship may not be over. It might just need a “cooling off” period. Time has a way of healing relationships.

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 30 Aug 2009

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2009). Angry Best Friend. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 28, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2009/08/30/angry-best-friend/