I have been in a marriage involving domestic violence for several years. My husband is now living out of the home and we are supposed to be working on our marriage. He has been out of the home for approx 2 months and has been sober since leaving. He is supposed to be getting help for the violence and abuse and has only attended one class and has many excuses for not going back. He still tries to control me on every level, even to the extent of complaining about my friends (ladies) being at the house and my time with them. Has anyone ever been in this situation that can point me in the right direction? Is there really hope for us, or is he still trying to do as little as possible and reap all the rewards of this marriage.
A: Your husband hasn’t taken the most important step towards saving your marriage. He still doesn’t get it that controlling you and isolating you are behaviors that simply have to stop. He needs to learn new ways to handle his insecurities and his anger. That means willingly and diligently participating in treatment. Until he does, you will continue to be vulnerable.
Sadly, you are not alone. There are many, many women in similar situations. Fortunately, there are resources to help. Please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE. There are counselors there 24/7 who can give you much needed support and practical advice. The website is www.ndvh.org/. There are programs in every state in the United States to help families in which there has been domestic violence.
I’m very, very sorry you are going through such a difficult time. Please take the steps you need to take to keep yourself safe.
I wish you well.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 27 Jul 2009
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2009). Is there hope for this marriage?. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 16, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2009/07/27/is-there-hope-for-this-marriage/