I am 30 and feel so incredibly lonely that I no longer wish to be here. I have longstanding self-esteem issues and have suffered from bulimia since the age of 19. Last year I received counselling and antidepressant medication for depression due to being in an unhappy job (which I finally got the courage to leave), isolating myself and an accumulation of all the self-esteem and sad thoughts I’d been having for so long.
I was doing so well, started a new job in Nov last year and started to feel confident. At the end of Jan, I met a man who I truly believed was “the one” but since I had never had a proper boyfriend before I felt very insecure through the relationship for various reasons.
Despite this, I fell in love with him and thought he was feeling the same way until he ended things a month ago. Since then I have been very sad, crying a lot, and have lost my confidence in pretty much all areas of my life. I now feel so lonely. I really have no friends who I can easily ask to go out for a drink with during the week.
My sister who was a rock last year during my difficult time I think is fed up dealing with my problems and I can appreciate this. I am bingeing and vomiting uncontrollably. Because of work, it is impossible for me to see the therapist I saw last year, and I really can’t find the energy to start with a new therapist. I can’t stop thinking about my ex and feeling so rejected. Rationally, I know that it probably wasn’t working between us…but I keep feeling like I did something wrong. Now I feel so worthless and like my life has no meaningful worth. I really feel like I can’t deal with this emptiness or sadness any longer.
A: Hello and thank you for your question:
My first question is this, are you still taking the antidepressant? If not, why not? It sounds like your depression is chronic and if that is true, you may need to take them for a number of years, not just a few months.
Second, whether or not you see a new therapist, you need to get some help. Suicide isn’t always the best solution. If you were to kill yourself, you may never know if the next guy may be “the one.” Just because he left you, doesn’t mean that he is the only one in the universe.
Do you honestly believe that there is only one man for you in the billions of people on Earth? If that were true, how would widows fall in love and remarry? How would divorced people finally find the perfect mate after a bad marriage?
Find a therapist who can help you. It really is worth going back for help. You need to get your bulimia under control before it destroys your body and you are truly messed up. Get yourself on antidepressants and stay on them. Go out there and find that guy. You don’t have to settle for anyone, even the guy who left. Get back on your feet and fight for someone who will love you the way that you should be.
I hope this helps,
Dr. Diana Walcutt
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 3 Jul 2009
Walcutt, D. (2009). Self-Esteem, Depression, Bulimia, & Loneliness. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 2, 2015, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2009/07/03/self-esteem-depression-bulimia-loneliness/