I am 26 and married, I love my husband a lot but recently I have been hanging out with this girl, have only known her for about 2 yrs…I have been with my husband for almost 7 yrs and have never been interested in women before.

Now I’m starting to think I have feelings for her, I think shes beautiful and can never get her off my mind. I love talking to her. My biggest issue is that I know shes married and has no interest in women….plus i’m not used to it!

We hang out occasionally and every time we do I go home and i’m happy but a few hours later I get depressed and stressed because I wonder if these feelings are real or if they are something that will go away soon! At times I want to sit and just cry because I hate having these feelings. I have always heard its always good to tell the truth but should I tell her i have feelings for her? should i just lte it go and hope it goes away?

By the way on top of all this i have already had depression and this always seems to make it hundred times worse, and on top of it i have no job and with this economy its difficult to find one! Also i’d like to add that she does know i like her but i don’t think she knows i actually might have serious feelings going on. What should i do? its so depressing and i am so sick of hurting. I am going back to the drs soon to get back on antidepressants but i’m not sure if that will help enough so i need help! Please i need some advice, what should i do??

A: Hello and thank you for your question:

First of all, I don’t think you should tell your friend at this point. It sounds like you may have a “crush” on her because she understands you. Remember when you were younger and had strong friendships with girls? You dressed the same, talked about the same things? It sounds like this is a similar situation.

Just because you have these strong feelings doesn’t mean that you are gay. But if you want to explore this, I encourage you to find a therapist and talk with them about this. Women can develop very strong friendships because we understand how to communicate with each other, share similar feelings and often care deeply about the same things. Again, that doesn’t mean that we’re gay. 

I would not be able to tell you whether or not you’re gay over the Internet. Nobody can. You might be, or you might not. Check out our therapist directory for a therapist in your area. I would wait to tell your friend about your feelings until you consult with a professional. You might mess up a good friendship if you’re not careful.

As far as antidepressants, you should be going to a psychiatrist for these. They are the best doctors to get treatment for depression.

I hope all this helps,

Dr. Diana Walcutt

 

 

Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 29 Jun 2009

APA Reference
Walcutt, D. (2009). I’m Married and May Have Feelings For My Friend (same sex). Psych Central. Retrieved on October 24, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2009/06/29/im-married-and-may-have-feelings-for-my-friend-same-sex/