Why can’t I trust my BF?

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Ive been dating this guy for almost 2 years and i cant figure out whether i should trust him or not. Ive always had trust issues with everyone just because i try to protect myself from getting hurt. But my current boyfriend has lied to me several times in the past. He lied to me about things he had done because he didnt want me to get mad at him and yell or break up with him. Almost a year ago he promised to always tell me the truth. In a way i believe he does tell me the truth but i still have a little bit of doubt. Its been a long time since i caught him lying and we communicate a lot better now. We’ve gotten a lot better with our fighting too. These are the reasons i feel i might be able to trust him. So why dont i completely trust him? I think im being insecure when theres no need to be. I just dont want to be lied to anymore. Please help.

A: Your boyfriend is doing his share. He promised to be truthful and has lived up to that promise. Now it’s your turn. Trust is a gift we give people we love. If we don’t at least start out with a trusting heart, we are in danger of creating the very thing we fear. If you can’t make that leap of faith for and with him, you are either too insecure to be in a relationship or your instincts are telling you that he isn’t the right guy for you. You started going out with your boyfriend when you were only 17. It could be that you would make a different choice now that you are older and maybe have a better idea of what you want in a relationship.

Please do some really, really honest thinking and settle this one way or another. Either give this man the gift of your trust and deal with your own insecurities or give both of you the gift of the freedom to find more compatible partners.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 26 Jun 2009

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2009). Why can’t I trust my BF?. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 24, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2009/06/26/why-cant-i-trust-my-bf/